KeEp ShiNinG_____]]*

Holidays are Coming!

2010-12-08T20:41:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Time really flies. More than a year has passed since I started working full-time. I really hope that I could go back to the schooling days.

Work has been super stressful especially it's the super peak season now. Pls let the holiday season come soon. I really need that super long break. )): No time for friends or bf. All I wanna do is to slp and slp all wkends. Gonna take the chance to meet up with friends during the long month end break. Yay! =D

Counting down... 2 wks and 1 day left! (:

Where are you going?

2009-11-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am glad. Glad that finally both my parents are cool with me being a stewardess if I can get through this coming walk-in interview. (: I tried to hide it from Mum initially cuz she was quite against it when I told her I wanted to be one the last time, a few years ago. So I only told my Dad. A week ago, while I was on my way to the food fair with Mum, I stole the chance which I had to sit down with her and chat on the bus. Yea it's a rare chance cuz she has been busy working part-time these while. (:

I asked her what are her opinions about (me) being an air stewardess, and below was our conversation:

Me: Eh Mummy, being an air stewardess isn't too bad these days right?
Mum: Erm not a very good idea la.
Me: Why? You get to travel to different countries and moreover they pay quite a lot what. About 3.5k when you start flying leh.
Mum: But its still not a very good idea when you have a family.
Me: Hmm meaning before you have a family it's ok la? (HAHAHA) Anyway, most stewardess do not fly that long also what. The retirement age are 5, 10 and 15 years of service depending on your rank. Also, its not bad to go explore other places before settling down right?
Mum: Then what are you gonna do after you can't work as a stewardess?
Me: Hmm I don't know. Find an office job? Or maybe request to be grounded and work in their office??

After that, cousin called me on my mobile and so that's the end of our conversation. (: I knew that she need some time to process those information and it take some time for her to accept that my dream is to fly and that is what I want.

Today, over my brunch but parent's lunch (HAHA), Dad gave me directions as to which bus stop to alight so that I can get to Suntec Conventional Centre by taking bus 70. Mum overheard it and asked where I am going and why I want to go there. And the conversation goes like this:

Mum: Where do you want to go?
Me: Err... Suntec Conventional Centre.
Mum: For what?
Me: Interview. (I didn't dare to tell her what interview it is)
Mum: What interview? Stewardess?
Me: (shocked) Err... yea.
Mum: When?
Me: 12th Dec. (I was happy that she asked when cuz that meant that she is alright with it.)
(silence for a moment)
Me: Erm but this time it's gonna be difficult to get in la, cuz Weijian's cousin said that they are super strict this time round.
Mum: Of cuz la, Weijian's cousin is don't know how many times prettier than you lor.
Me: Erm but they don't only look for pretty ones what. They are looking for the whole package this time round. (Trying to comfort myself. HAHA!) They are looking for someone who has good attitude too.
Mum: Be more courteous lor. Who won't welcome people who are courteous.
Me: (Grin! Means she support me!)

Yea and now I am a super happy girl to know that my parents support my decision to go for the interview and give it a go. Sometimes a small gesture like this just means so much. Am really so glad. (: Even if I don't say it, but I love you, Mum and Dad! (:

.shan is grateful to Mum and Dad!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Feeling the Jitters

2009-11-29T16:38:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Even though the walk-in interview is still about 2 weeks away, I am feeling the jitters already. ): The more I read and hear, the more nervous I become. It's gonna be far from easy this time round. They are strict. Very strict this round. ): Aww... My dream since Pri 5 isn't that easy to realise I guess. Nobody said it's gonna be easy, but I didn't expect that it would be THAT difficult. I shall try my best no matter what till I get in. This dream just mean so much to me. Gambarimasu kudasai! (:

.shan is feeling the jitters already!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Vexed

2009-11-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am feeling vexed again. Freak. I hate it. Staying home day after day doing nothing but household chores for 2 months? Or maybe longer? I should find something to do. I should. But what can I do when I have no money? Once I step out of house, everything is all about money. Only the air is free. -.- I am feeling so darn stressed up with nothing to do. Seriously.

Stressed up with the upcoming walk-in interview. Read a forum saying that only maybe 30% of those interview could get in only? Stressed that I might not even be able to answer their first random question properly? Stressed that I will be booted out. Or am I just paranoid? ))):

Sigh. diarrhea for 2 consecutive days. I don't remember eating something wrong these few days. It's not really a very good feeling with your stomach rumbling when you are having a meal. Grr... Shall take it as a chance to slim down since I don't even go out and exercise these days.

And yea, what's wrong with my stupid frizzy hair man. Why is it getting drier by the days. I seriously need to get some treatment done.

Somehow I think I have became more self conscious of how I look ever since they announced that they are hiring again. I worry about my little front rabbit teeth and what if that is the reason that they reject me? I should have braces done earlier. I am more aware of my weight and also my pimple marks. Oh wells oh wells I am getting paranoid. I really am. Yet nobody will be able to help me with it. ))): EVERYONE is busy with their exams. They have absolutely no time for me. Their time is only for themselves, their notes and more notes.

.shan needs a breather badly!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

SIA Walk-in Interview!

2009-11-25T03:08:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Whee~ I am oh-so happy and excited! Finally there is news about SIA recruiting cabin crew again. They just posted details on their website and Christian informed me about it. (: Below are the details from their website
http://www.singaporeair.com/saa/en_UK/content/company_info/careers/cabin_crew.jsp?v=288198999&

Interested applicants, please download and complete this application form. Please bring the following documents for registration between 9am and 2pm.

Completed application form
Passport-sized photograph
Original(s) of:
a) your birth certificate
b) all educational certificates
c) identity card

Interviews will be conducted on 12 December 2009 at:

Suntec Singapore International Convention & Exhibition Centre
Level 3, Meeting Room 325-326
1 Raffles Boulevard
Singapore 039593

Funny as it might seem to some, but I entered university just for this chance. I have always wanted to be part of them since my first trip with them when I was 11. Guess my chance has finally come. WISH ME LUCK!! (:

SIA here I come! *big grin*

.shan is SUPER excited! (((:

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Yuexuan's 24th Birthday! (:

2009-11-16T23:59:00.048+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Yuexuan's Birthday today! Happy 24th!! (:

忍一时风平浪静, 退一步海阔天空. Things got better cuz I paid him a visit yesterday to his house. (: Brought lappie to entertain myself and cabbed down yesterday. Whee...~ Cabbing is such a luxury for me. Even went West Mall to get soju after dinner before heading home. Heh. (:

Today, I curled my hair to surprise him. Heh. Thanks so much for Bei who woke up and help me curl my hair! Muacks! Met him at bus stop and we went Rail Mall to get some alcohol so that we got time to chill the beverages before drinking them after dinner. Was a really hot day though. Walked to his house after that. Such a long walk man. After that I went to his house and I surfed net and watched videos till 5.45pm before walking to Rail Mall again for dinner at Ramen Ramen again. This time it was drizzling. Cool weather. Shiok.

After dinner, we took the other route to his house. That blur Birthday boy remembered that there is this traffic light at the traffic junction when it didn't even exist in the first place. LOL. But since the weather was cooling and all, I didn't mind walking a little more. :) Total distance walked today: 2km? Haha yea I guess around there. Haha what a good exercise.

He sent me home after we had finished our alcoholic beverages and watching TV at 9pm. A relaxing day well spent I'd say. Thanks so much for the accompany! :) Hmm.. Shouldn't that phrase be what Yuexuan should say? No? HAHA!

.shan is no longer emo!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Treat me right!!

2009-11-15T01:35:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

This is the kind of shit you give me huh? As usual, not meaning what you've said is what you are best at. Now you've even upgraded to shout at me and give me attitude huh? Ignoring me online and switch off handphone so that you can sleep peacefully without your ever-so-demanding so-called girlfriend to disturb you huh? Are you the only one who's stressed? You selfish, immature fellow!

Learn how to treat your girlfriend right and not taking her for granted like what you are doing now, Cai Yuexuan!!! -.-

I really pity myself. Maybe I should just die and vanish from this freaking world.

.shan is super depressed!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

What is Trust?

2009-11-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

What is trust? I have lost confidence in myself. Totally.

Mum came home demanding an answer why I didn't answer the phone when she called this afternoon. Questioned if I had gone out (to shop and have fun) again. Please, when was the last time I really enjoyed myself. I can't recall. It seemed like such a long long time ago.

All I can remember was that I had to do all the household chores everyday just cuz I am at home. Not only that, she even made me run errands. If I don't do them I am deemed as lazy, slacker, unfilial (and whatever other negative words you can think of to attach).

So what if I didn't feel like answering the phone? I must be out huh? I can't be in the toilet, or busy doing chores or feeling sick huh? What made me even more disappointed was that even though I repeatedly said that I wasn't out for the whole of today, she still insisted that I went out just cuz I didn't pick up the phone. So why in the hell did you ask if you won't even believe whatever I have to say and insisted on what you think? Go then. Think whatever you want. Let your imaginations run wild. Go on and think that I am a bad, unfilial and lazy child who only knows how to sit at home slack. Since it has always been your thinking for so many years, so let it be. You have no intentions to change that view of me no matter what I've done anyway, so let it be. I can't be bothered anymore.

No praises or signs of appreciation whenever I've done sometime right, only grumbles, nagging and whatever shit whenever I am not up to your sky high expectations. I don't give a damn anymore. One day, one day I am gonna prove that you've been wrong all along. I will make you regret. I swear. Till that day, you can continue to think that I am just a useless and unfilial child of yours.

I am really disappointed with the people around me. Yes, make full use of me and then dispose me whenever you don't need me. Afterall, you all have always believed that I will forgive no matter what you've done cuz that is just who I am. I always believe that if I treat others nice, they will return me with a grateful heart. However, I've come to realize that it's not always true. There are just some people who will take advantage of you again and again without feeling a tiny bit of embarrassment nor any regrets.

Sorry no cure I'd say. What's the use of slapping someone right in the face and then apologizing after? Worse still, let the cycle repeats itself all over again and again. Hurt has already been done psychologically and physically. A wound has already been inflicted. Yes, time heals all wounds. However, Sometimes the wound is so deep and painful that it heals and leaves and ugly scar which will follow a person through his/her whole life. Will the apology make the scar disappear? No. But the sight of that scar will forever remind him/her of that painful incident for life...

P.S. When will all this hurt go away? Maybe it never will...

.shan is hurt

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Do I Only Worth This Much?

2009-11-12T18:39:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Why are you oh-so-calculative whenever it comes to me and you don't even calculate whenever it comes to friends? Why? Maybe it's about time you reflect and think about if you do REALLY love me. Or was it that I am there just to entertain you when you are bored and accompany you when you are lonely only? Nothing more.

Do I only worth this ~~much~~ little to you? I wonder.

.shan is back to being emo.

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Taken for Granted?

2009-11-12T05:16:00.034+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

No! I am NOT alright!

I haven't even said anything wrong but I was shouted at in a mere short 4 days. Yea yea go work darn hard for your damn project and ace it with flying colours so it can secure you good grades and lay your path for your career. Go bury yourself in your books and study hard so that you can maintain your CAP or even pull it up. I don't give a damn anymore. It has always been your doing all along. I just didn't voice a word after 4 bloody semesters and now you can even shout at me when I am just stating the facts?! Yea be all defensive cuz I have hit the nail at the right spot and you aren't happy that I am right. The truth hurts. It always do.

I guess I need shoo aside and get do whatever you want or ask for during exam periods huh? I should be emotionless when I am like some used tissue paper when I am being thrown away without much thoughts huh? Why not you just ask for a break-up whenever the exam approaches and when the papers are all over you come back and ask for a patch back? Isn't that what you've been doing all along? Did I even say a word? Am I asking for too much? Look who is taking who for granted man. How many times must I emphasize that I am NOT a toy which you play with when you are happy and throw away cuz you aren't? I guess you'll never change for the better cuz afterall results are still MORE important than me. Yes yes, go do whatever you want and I shall just entertain myself cuz you have NO time for me.

Come look for me if you want to see me. Don't expect me to go to your house and accompany you while you study and heck care about me while I spend my time trying hard to entertain myself with 2 choices. Either falling sleep on the sofa myself or watching tv on the sofa till I eventually fall asleep.

How many times have you already disappoint me in this short one month? I've realised that you say one thing but does the other and nah, you've NOT improved for the past one month after the short breakup then patch back incident. All you've done is disappoint me again and again. When I confront you, you got so darn pissed off. What worse was that you even scolded me when I did nothing wrong. Wake up!! The world don't revolve around you and ONLY you, selfish fellow.

Well, I've came to realise that you've always thought things from your point of view whenever you are invloved. Getting all self-defensive even you've got done something wrong. Have I been treated like how a gf should be treated in the past one month after we patched back?

Look at those words which sprouted from your mouth even before you thought them through. Maybe those are the words you really wanted to bring across. Yes yes yes, I "EAT" alot of your money when you are just paying for my dinner when I am out huh? I will remember that. "DON'T SUCK ME DRY" was all you said when Bei was just acting as me over MSN trying to ask you to dote on me and sponsor a few pieces of clothes huh? I didn't say anything about it, but I was TOTALLY HURT to hear that few words coming from your mouth. I think I really don't deserve to be doted at all. NO time for me cuz of exam, NO shopping trips for a month plus, NO sponsoring of whatever clothes I eye on, NO nothing. ALL I have was requests for encouragements, requests (and hints) to pay you a visit at your house. Fine.

Now I truely know how much I really mean in your live. I'm just a TOY you play with when you need entertainment. I shall just stand aside and let you live your live as you want it. I shall not be your tripping stone at this very crucial period in your life.

I've always thought it's natural for boyfriends to pamper and dote on their other half AUTOMATICALLY. Maybe I am wrong... Why am I the only one feeling this way? ):

.shan is utterly disappointed

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

2009-09-24T23:30:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sigh. I don't know why I am feeling this way either. Frustrated. Cried tonnes today. But I guess I can't change anything this time already. He has made up his mind about leaving me. I guess that he will still live happily without me. I really didn't expected that this would be so painful to bear. Well, this shouldn't be the ending to our love story... );

.shan cried her heart out.

Life in a Mess. Insomnia.

2009-06-06T11:09:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Insomnia for a week. ): Lying in bed, tosing and turning for hours isn't something nice to experience. ): I finally managed to fall asleep at about 6am plus when others are awake. Waking up at abt 9am cuz of the sun shining directly on my face or when mum leaves the house. Fall back sleep again and wake up at 11am before heading back to dreamland again. This irregular sleeping pattern has caused me to be darn easily irritated.

Things hasn't been going well for the past 1 month. Nothing seems smooth. Nothings seems to be going my way. I feel very stressed. Often depressed over little things. Maybe due to the weather, my temper isn't that great too. Sigh. I don't know why I am feeling this way too. I want to step out of house, but there are so little places to go in Singapore.

Days which I expected to end up happily would always be screwed up. I hate to be the middle person between yx and ah gal, plus bei and weijian. I side with any party, the other gets pissed off, if I side with no parties, I get pissed off. Cuz they all wanna do things their own way. And thus ending in a screwed day again. The trip to Wild Wild Wet last Saturday was an apt example. Grr... I hate myself. I hate my life. I feel so pathetic.

I am always trapped in between. Why?! I am darn frustrated with it already. Others just won't even bother standing in my shoe to think how I feel. All they know it to throw temper at me when I clearly did nothing wrong.

I feel suffocated. So suffocated that I wish I could just die. I am not an object! Mind you, I am human with emotions. I have a say in things too. I don't just do whatever you make me do. Seek my permission or decisions before doing things whichever way you like to me! Without that, you aren't even respecting me.

P.S. When I am feeling frustrated, do not even try entering my personal space. If you do, you are really testing my limits.

.shan is confused, frustrated, worried, depressed...

it's all in a mess.

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Almost Time To Say Goodbye

2009-05-13T16:10:00.009+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I wonder. Is this the beginning of the end? He just can't be bothered about how I feel. He don't bother controlling his temper anymore. He just vents them on me. He hasn't realised it, but it has definitely affected me. He just can't differentiate jokes or for real. He can't take jokes. He takes everything so personally. Especially when I make a comment about his friends. I can just feel it. I can just feel myself being insignificant. To think that I placed him above my friends for outings and whatever not when there was any. Rejecting outings just cuz we are going out. I guess I am far too naive.

Maybe it's almost time to say goodbye... ):

~~I hate my life. I regret living this life.~~

.shan is emo

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Bad Day

2009-05-09T22:29:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Exams have finally ended on Wednesday. (: Hopefully there's no more to come. Gastric problems have been bad these few days. Real bad I mean. Haven't been eating much too. ))): Sigh...

I had a disastrous day. The feeling of being taken for granted, insignificant, and misunderstood all in one day. How much worse can I get in a day? ))):

My time and world revolves around others. They plan their schedule and I suit them. How ironic.

I walk a lonely path...

.shan is unwell and down

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Free Cone Day 2009!

2009-04-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day! (: Went Vivo with darling to get free ice-cream! :DD Queue was long compared to the one I went for at White Sands 2 years ago. Hence we only queued once. Haha... Shopped till around 6pm and then went to Kopitiam for dinner.

Dinner was yucks. Darling's Kuay Chap was tasteless, and the tau kua (beancurd) had already turned sour. -.- In the first place, the person serving wasn't dressed neatly, he handled cash with the same hand as when he is taking food without gloves! And... the worst was there were houseflies and he didn't bothered chasing them away. You call this grade 'A' for cleaniness? I think the authorities really need to do a spot check on the store man. Houseflies at food courts just tells how clean it really is. I ordered Ban Mian since it's quite healthy, but it really sucked too. The soup just tastes like flour, the mian was soggy and soft, and a little sour maybe due to the mushrooms they had added. We obviously didn't finish our food. Haha... I threw away 3/4 of the whole bowl, and he, only ate some organs and threw away the whole bowl of Kuay Chap. Drank fruit juice instead. Yea and that is all for dinner. Diet after the sinful Ben & Jerry's.

Later, he went topshop to get tops. 3 (baseball) colourful jerseys for 39 bucks. Now he has almost the whole series of colours and he can wear different colours of the same design and still last him for a week. LOL. Used to wonder why Shermeen and Christian did that, but now even he is doing it. Haha. *shrugs*

The day wasn't done doing something special , but still I enjoyed myself so much today. Even the lousy dinner didn't spoil my mood. Haha how rare. =X Maybe cuz of the Ben & Jerry's plus I got to get a real break from studies during exam period. (: Oh and not forgetting, he look exeptionally good today with polo tee and contacts. :D Thanks so much darling! (: Oh and thanks for getting me Garnier Aqua Defence Eye Roll-on! Have always wanted to get it and give it a try but couldn't find it. Finally found it today and he kindly sponsored. Thanks so much! :D Oh not forgetting, I got 2 boxes of 'In-2-It' dual colour long lasting blusher at 14.30 bucks! Buy one get one free at Watsons, so being cheapo, I got 2 boxes! HAHA! Now there's quite a lot of colours to choose from. :D

Totally enjoyed myself today! Hope darling did so too. (: Thanks so much for the good accompany! Muacks! :D

.shan is HAPPY! :D

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Reaffirmation

2009-04-17T01:14:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sometimes simple words of reaffirmation is just what is needed to heal the broken soul. (:

.shan smiled

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Don't give a Damn

2009-04-16T00:55:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I can't remember when is the last time that we actually met up to shop, to watch movie and to relax and enjoy. I really can't. Was it my Birthday?? Nah actually I spent that day in school I think. Sigh... I hate my life. I feel trapped. I wanna get out and see outside. I hate to be trapped at home. I really do. I tried to be more understanding but I think you have been taking it for granted sometimes. Your promises. They weren't kept. Are promises meant to be broken? I'd rather you didn't promise then. Maybe I just don't mean a thing to you anymore. I should have realised this earlier. I should have. My words aren't taken seriously. You might think that I am just an easy push-over whom you think is easy to bluff and trick. Everything's been done at your convenience. Your actions, your words tells me that you don't give a damn anymore. Not anymore. Sigh...

~~I've learnt not to give a damn when I realised that you actually don't give a damn.~~

I feel as though I am walking this path alone. We cover the distance, but not together. How ironic.

.shan cried

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Did We Both Change?

2009-03-29T23:55:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I just don't know why I got so flared up over small details today. Was it PMS or was it just me being picky over everything. Thinking back, he didn't really dress that badly today too, just that compared to the past, he seemed like he didn't make any efforts. All I could see was I made the effort but he didn't. Why? I made him break down again. ): I just don't know what I am thinking. Neither do I know what he is thinking. Not anymore. He seemed different from the person I originally knew. He used to dress up for me especially during special occasions and he still made the effort to wear long sleeves with jeans and contact lenses. But now, he seemed like he didnt care anymore. Today's was no different from any other days. Sigh... Why am I been so picky? Why? I swear I am not gonna wear dress when going out with him for I am too afraid that a worse scenario might happen.

Did I change or did he? Maybe we have both changed. ):

.shan is lost.

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Stuck at the Crossroad Once Again

2009-03-09T17:49:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Bumped into Linus in school today. After such a long time. Chatted for a little while. Apparently, he just found out from our conversation that I am attached. How slow. He joked that it's something new and that he just learnt about it. I could sense the disappointment behind it. Despite him trying to act calm and cool, I could still tell that something was amiss. His thoughts were confirmed. A little tense and weird atmosphere. ))): Somehow I felt bad. I am still guilty for rejecting 2 person to pursue my own happiness. The feeling ever so vivid. But does happiness even exist? I doubt so.

If I were to say that I am truly very happy now, then I would be lying. Is it cuz humans are ever so greedy that their desires can never be fulfilled? I wonder.

Lots of thoughts went through my mind. Have I made the right decisions then? Sometimes I really have no idea what I am doing. I have no clue where I should be heading in my life. Why do I always feel lost no matter which route I choose to take? Why? ))):

Still searching... Searching for what I really want in my life. Till now, I can't even understand myself. I am confused.

If only I could turn back time... I have always thought that way. If I really could turn back time, would I choose the same path again? Maybe not. Would I still end up regretting whatever path I have chosen then? Maybe.

Life is just a frightening maze.

.shan is stuck at the crossroad once again

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Gastric!

2009-03-02T03:13:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Argh... Have been having gastic pain for consecutive 4 or 5 days already. )))): Must be the stress! Sigh.

.shan is super stressed!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Suicidal, Emotionally Unstable

2009-02-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wells, oh wells... You call this mid-term break when we are even more busy than normal school days? ))): I have got tonnes and tonnes of things to do that I didn't even have time to go for retail therapy the whole of this one week holidays and I am going mad I swear.

I have got project to do, mid-term exams to study for and what not. Sigh... Somehow I wonder if I have depression sometimes. Really. Yesterday was supposed to be movies day with Yuexuan, but all thanks to Mum that our plans has gone down the drain.

Mum thinks that I have been out enjoying myself the past few days cuz I wasn't at home for dinner. I told her that I was busy with project and didn't believe me. Still said that I must have gone out to shop after my project meetings. )))): Hello, I went all the way to Tampines mall and had proj meeting till 10pm when all the shops were closing ok? How relaxed can I be. I was throughly hurt by that.

Then when I wanted to go out, she had to say that she had prepared to cook lunch (when she normally don't) and insisted that I stay for lunch. Ok fine, so I waited and told Yuexuan that I might reach later than 3pm cuz at 2.00pm, she was still busy chatting to neighbour when I was supposed to meet Yuexuan at 2.30pm! ): I was of cuz mad not cuz she chatted to neighbour, but because she didn't ask if I am going out and she used all ways to delay my plans. Grr... She said that she had prepared my share but when I went out to see, she only prepared the prawns, octopus and slices of pork for mee sua soup. She could have distributed my share to others since there are 3 more people eating and she hasn't cook the soup. What not the mee sua is those readily cooked ones, so you just pour the seafood soup over the mee sua and it's done! It won't make much difference right? Moreover she hasn't even take out my share of mee sua. -.- After that, she still gave me one big piece of mee sua when I sometimes can't even manage to finish that amount for dinner. By then, I was fuming already. LOL. The worst was, I wasn't even hungry and it was pouring by the time I was about to eat.

I was totally put off mood cuz I could have rushed out before it poured if I didn't have to eat it. And now, I have to force myself to eat it when I am not even hungry and I couldn't even leave the house. So what if I had finished the bowl of mee sua fast? I won't be able to leave still. Sigh. Suggested for Yuexuan to come my house then since I can't get out but it turned out that he is reaching PS already. He said he hasn't eaten lunch and I smelt trouble already. Reason being he eats his meals quite punctually at about 12 to 1pm. Anything after 1pm, he would be grumpy already and that time was already 3pm! I knew I would be dead. ):

When he reached, I had just switched on my lappie to check for the lastest update for project cuz I really had lots to do within one day and I was darn stressed as we had ran into some major problems and the project was in a mess. I of cuz didn't open the door for him. Mum did cuz she was sitting in the living room. Ok I was to be blamed for that mistake. For not opening the door cuz I merely wanted to be left alone to settle my project. I didn't want to look at him too cuz I knew if I had talked to him at that time, nothing very nice would have come out from my mouth too since my mum had just pissed me off. He came into the room and said "eh", and i merely nodded to acknowledge his presence without looking at him and he walked to the kitchen to eat his super late lunch. I then stepped out of the room into the kitchen to ask if he wanted water, but it was too late. He was super duper pissed off and he merely replied, "I travelled all the way to PS and then to your house but you didn't even bothered looking at me when I came." I tried to explain to him that I just switched on the computer and so I didn't open the door for him. But I knew nothing I said would have worked. He was fuming too cuz he was hungry and wet from the rain outside.

I was super hurt. Hurt that Yuexuan didn't understand me. All I could think of was nobody loves me and nobody trusted me. I was under lots of pressure. Pressure from project, from mid-term papers (I haven't even studied for them due to project), from Mum, from Yuexuan and from myself. I ran to the toilet and locked myself inside. I just wanted to be alone by myself. I brokedown and cried like I have never before. The stress was too much for me to handle. I was very sure that nobody loves me anymore. I was suicidal. Thoughts of suicide ran through my mind. This isn't the first time I have thought of that though. At that point, I was planning. Thinking of which suicide method I could take. The fastest would be jumping down from my 12th storey HDB block. But then, I thought why not die peacefully at night when I am sleeping by tying a plastic bag over my head. Then again, I could also die in a car if someone would let me sleep in his or her car when the engine is still on. Yes, I honestly think I might be suffering from depression. Maybe I really am, since this is the number don't know how many times I am thinking of suicide. Who knows, maybe, eventually one day I might really resort to suicide. Oh wells oh wells. )))):

Mum wasn't in very good mood after I locked myself in the toilet for so long and she banged and shout from outside the toilet, threatening to call the police to come up and open the door. She was frustrated that she couldn't get me out cuz the door can only be locked and opened internally. LOL. I came out 2 hours later when Bei hoaxed me to come out so that Weijian or her can go toilet to urinate. HAHA! Thanks bei for being there for me when I needed someone. (: Thanks from saving me from the toilet. Thanks for caring for me when nobody seemed to love me anymore. Really appreciated that. :D

Came out of toilet and ran to my bedroom and cried. Haha! I think I cried more than a litre of tears yesterday man. It just doesn't seemed to stop. HAHA! Didn't really ate much for dinner cuz of the lost of appetite but I was all back to normal at night already. Heh...

All in all, really thank Bei this time for everything! Love you, twin! :D

.shan is emotionally unstable

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

There goes my new shirt again!

2009-02-22T23:22:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

There goes my money and shirt AGAIN!! I am pissed. Sad. Disappointed. My relatively new polo tee is spoilt! Stained with a patch of blue from don't know which jeans. This isn't the first time my new shirt is spoilt already. Why is it that there will always be someone, somewhere, don't know who, don't know where helping my NEW clothes?!?! Seems like my newly bought polo tee will be tucked at one corner of the wardrobe again. ): I am sad. So so super sad. Though it might not be that expensive, but still it's new and I only wore it less than 5 times! ))))): It just like I buy a piece of shirt and throw it away after wearing it a few times. So disappointed. Why can't people just stop spoiling my things for me and then I don't need to keep getting new ones to replace them. Then at least I will hear less of mum's naggings. Oh wells. )))))):

On a happier note, I went bowling with Yuexuan, Bei, Weijian and friends at Mount Faber SAFRA today! My highest score in a game: 100. I wanna beat that. (: I shall. More bowling sessions please! Thanks to all for the fun today! (: A really good way to start the mid-term break. :D

.shan is SUPER disappointed

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

22nd Birthday!

2009-02-06T23:54:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Happy 22nd Birthday to Bei, Darion and myself! (:

Had a relative enjoyable day slacking around though I had school today. Haha... Met up with ah gal at Jurong Point to shop after my lecture. Skipped my tutorial today though cuz Ching Yee informed me late last night that she won't be going, so I was too lazy to wake up since I didn't sleep well last night. HAHA. Lots of people remembered my birthday this year and I received lots of well wishes too. Thanks everyone! You all made my day! Muacks! <3 Thanks darling for allowing me to go shop with ah gal at Jurong Point first. Sorry that I didn't want to wait 3 hours for you and rot away. Haha thanks for your understanding! (: Thanks so much for your present too! Muacks! (: Alright that's all for the day! Blog again when I am more free! :D

.shan is truely happy! (:

I miss you.
I love you.
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Holidays :D

2009-01-11T11:19:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wow it's been long since I last blogged. Lots of things happened during the December holidays. Took part in Asian University Games from 12th till 22nd Dec in KL. Played lawnbowls triples and won a Gold medal and overall female team Silver medal. (: First time participating in big competition and I won a Gold medal! Such a nice experience! (: Through this trip, I have learnt to become more independent, to make new friends, and forster the relationship within the team. It also helped me see who your real friends are.

Basically, spent the first few days there quarrelling with Yuexuan cuz the relationship within the team is quite complicated and his actions just made me so confused and hence pissed. =X When the competition starts, we more or less settled down already. Everyone was busy focussing and stressing over their games and had no more energy to care about other details. Only had little time to shop around. We went to Jusco near our indoors bowls stadium to eat almost everyday between matches as the food which the hotel provides is really inedible I must say. Went also to Mid-Valley and KLCC (Shopping centre beside twin tower). The shopping centre there is darn big I tell you. It's the size of 4 Ngee Ann City Towers and you could even get yourself lost in there shopping. They section their shopping centre into 4 sections for easy loaction. North, South, East and West. :D Darn shiok. I love it. ((((: Prices wise, slightly cheaper than Singapore Dollar when it's not on sale. But when it's on sale, it's so so darn cheap cuz they have like 40 to 50% discount, unlike Singapore. (: On coincidentally, we were there when they were having Christmas sale! So, whee...! :D

The food there is definitely cheaper than Singapore. We could eat restaurant there everyday cuz their price are the same as Singapore, except that it's in Malaysian Ringget. WAHAHAHA! So yea, less than half the price we get in Singapore. (:

Upon getting back to Singapore, we got our exam results. ): Ok mine sucks I must say. Maybe cuz I took too many core modules last sem that I had no time to study for all. I regretted that, but what can I do right? I am already a bankrupt in my general account and I can possible bid for any modules outside my faculty, so the cheapest will be to take sociology modules cuz they can be preallocated at only 1 point. Cheap cheap only. =X Bidding is just giving me headaches and sleepless nights. This semester's bidding is not any better. I could only get modules which others don't want cuz some desperate people just show hand and dump all their points in for that module causing the bid points to shoot as high as 1000++. ): I had only 2 modules which I initially planned and they are for 1 point only. The rest, I struggled to fit them in. Lots has either same exam day, timing clash, or too early or late problems. )))): Only got all my modules yesterday and know what, this is the most screwed semester for timetable. I have days which start at 8am and end at 8pm. Moreover, most of my days end as late as 8pm or 9pm. Argh... 2 meals in school. ): Might as well just camp in school and not go home already since I have so little time to rest only. =X Now this is why NUS student hate bidding periods.

Last day of holidays is here again before I go for my last semester, last lap. I hope this will be a good one. I desperately need to pull my socks and CAP up. ~~Gonna treat myself to a nice meal of popeye's at the flyer later. Whee...~~

This holiday really flew too fast. Before I realised it, we are already starting school again. Due to AUG and training, this merely one month holiday has shortened to only 2 weeks? Oh wells but I've never regretted going for it. It was a good experience. A darn good experience which I will never forget this lifetime. I am glad I am part of this event. :D

Alright, that's all for the day! Go watch some videos ~~and prepare to go out with ah gal~~ already. (: Ja mata ne! :D

.shan is very happy! :D

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Off to KL for AUG!!

2008-12-12T01:59:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Yay! Off to Kuala Lumpur in another 6.5hours for Asean University Games (AUG) !! So excited, but at the same time worried too. This is my first time away from home for such a long period of time, and to make it worse, without the accompany of my family. Oh wells, but can't deny that it is indeed a good experience. (: Just don't know who I will share a room with cuz there are only 3 girls from lawn bowls and I seriously think Mingli and Shermeen will share a room. But what about me?? With some strangers? Hopefully not. ): Sigh...

Anyway, will see how tomorrow. Hopefully this will be an enjoyable trip. (: I am sure I will miss Bei and ah gal badly when I am there. ))): Nevermind, will be back in 10 days. By then, the online clothes would have arrived too, I guess. Whee~

Oh and I got my shirt printed for free! Hehehx and the guy, Benjamin who helped printed the logo was so shuai and nice. :DD Thanks so much for darling's accompany rushing here and there with me for 3 whole days so as to buy and prepare all the stuff for the competition. (: Most of the stress is over now. The next round of stress will come when the games begin in a few day's time. Heh wish me luck!!! (:

Oh and family is so nice. I felt the warmth today. I went out for training early in the morning today. When I got home to get my shirt for printing, my passport, plastic bags and medicine was already placed on my chair so I can pack them. So nice and thoughtful of Mum! (: Thanks Mum! And I think Mum knows that I am quite disappointed not being able to go JB with the whole family, auntie and cousin, so she packed my favourite Kambing soup home for me! 2 microwave containers! Yummy... Ate some just now already, cuz when I am back in 10 bloody days, the soup will have already been long digested and passed out in the form of feces and urine by don't know who in the family. HAHA! Oh and they bought quite a lot of things for me even though I couldn't make it there. (: So touched. I love you lots! :DDD Thanks Jiaying for being so sweet too! (: I am a super duper happy girl today even though I have to wash and dry my own clothes and rush from place to place without stop. A big THANK YOU to all who have made my day such a pleasant one! Muacks!! I love you all! <3

I hope I will be on tip top condition when the competition begins! (: Aim for GOLD medal! :D Alright, time to go off already. Got to wake up at 5.30am tomorrow. That make it only a mere 3 hours sleep?! Oh my... Chaoz. (: Update again after 21st December!

Oyaumi ne! Ja mata! (:

.shan is extremely excited!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Screwed up

2008-12-07T20:45:00.007+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Did I wake up from the wrong side of the bed or what? Why did everything turn out so disastrous that it pisses me off and sent me crying by myself.

First I asked ah gal to go out and shop with me. She won't. Next, since bei was going out to Weijian's auntie's house, then I thought why not ask him drive me to Yuexuan's house since its only down the road. But Bei said they will only be there at about 6pm. So I asked Yuexuan if he wanna go out today since he always say that I didn't ask him out and he's the one making the effort. Guess what was his reply? That bastard says that he is very comfortable sitting at home.
So maybe shop tomorrow, when it's training day.

Yea shop tomorrow after training huh? Go candy's house to try shoes and then rush home shower and go out. Have you ever get sick of rushing here and there when there is a choice for you to relax a little. Do you have any idea how much things I have to settle tomorrow?! No, you have absolutely no idea and you don't give a damn. All you cared about was you are comfortably sitting at home. You don't even bother asking why I wanna go out or whatever. Go reflect on yourself and see how great a boyfriend you can be. You seriously need to reflect alot alot since you haven't even realise or improve on your selfishness.

There you say I never ask you out and when I actually did you tell me you don't want to. Fine la, fuck off then. This is not the first time anyway. Yea I will always be wasting my time since everytime I ask he will reject, so NO MORE next time. I'd rather go out with Bei than with you since it's so difficult to ask you out. Just fuck off, watch porn, play games and slack at home for all you want.

Next, my stupid Dad who keeps boasting that he knows how to iron clothes since his Secondary School days went to iron my newly bought shirt and spoilt it. Since you know how to iron so well then why didn't you do a better job huh? Still iron on the prints and tell me that oh I ironed on the words "Singapore" and nothing happened so I iron on the front logo too. Fuck la. Even I know that you can't iron on the printed side and you who know how to iron clothes since Sec school days didn't know huh? So what's with all those boastings? And what more, you had to choose the newly bought Adidas black top which costed almost 50bucks to iron first huh? Do you know how darn expensive it is? And even if you buy me a brand new one now, I doubt that there is even enough time to get it printed before the competition in less than 4 days time. -.- For that, I won't forgive you. I am already so stressed here and everyone is giving me nonsense day after day.

Anyway I am seriously thinking about quiting the competition after so many things happened. I was determined but everyone just didn't realise how much I effort I had put in. They only know how to mess things up. No way am I gonna wear that stupid ugly looking adidas shirt for the competition. Get me a new one and get it printed before the competition if not I quit. I would appreciate greatly if everyone just stop screwing up things for me. I had enough hell days k! Give me a break!!!

Yea no meals for me today. I am not gonna eat anything Dad buys though I have not eaten anything since morning. Pissed off with the guys for screwing things up BIG time. Hate them.

.shan says FUCK OFF!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

AUG briefing

2008-12-06T02:16:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh yay! I've finally finished hell semester! Hurray~! Went Cineleisure for Suki Sushi buffet lunch today with darling. Yes, food! Didn't eat as much as I thought I would though. Must go another time to make up for it. =X Oh and I so craving more food now! Suddenly got the urge to go eat some seafood, especially those shellfishes cooked in spicy sauces. Oh and the school sichun steamboat! Gosh... My stomach is getting so hungry thinking of them. =X

Only managed to shop a little and then had to rush back to school for the Asean University Games briefing. Got all my t-shirts, track suits, and bags today too. Argh... Such a big bag. Thus we had to go home straight after the briefing. Attracted quite a bit of stares on the bus cuz I was wearing shopping clothes and yet carrying a gigantic lugguage bag. They must have thought that I left house with my belongings. Hahaha...

Excited but yet scared about the trip. So many rules and regualtions to take note of. ): Oh wells, and I am really really afraid that I will drag my team down. My standard is not as good as them cuz I haven't been playing it for 3 years plus already. =X Setting off next Friday, which is like so darn super soon. The days really passed darn fast. Only a week away and that leaves us little time to train as well. Oh wells oh wells... I really need to work my ass off.

Going for Ben and Jerry's chunk fest tomorrow! More food! Yummy! (: Haha and to my surprise, my weight has dropped despite me eating 5 or 6 meals a day for the past few weeks. Haha must be because I had used too much brain cells during the exam period. :D

Anyway off to sleep already. Another long day tomorrow. Lots more things to be done. I need a pair of white lawn bowls shoes!! Time to contribute to the economy again. ): Oh and I had ordered quite number of clothes online. Mostly formal wear though. Would need them in about half a year's time. ): Not forgetting, I also ordered a top for Mum secrectly. Now she has nice clothes to wear for CNY! :D (Shhh... She doesn't know it yet.) Heh...

Ok and now really need to go to slumberland already. Super tired. Oyasumi! (:

.shan is excited!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Irritated by your tricks

2008-11-27T14:58:00.008+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Freak. Still I think you are best at irritating me. You just don't learn from your lessons at all. I don't like going to your house cuz I do nothing there but you still never get it! So if you come to my house once and I need to visit you the very next day to return you the favour cuz you were being nice huh? Force me to praise you and say that you are nice. Freak. As if I had asked for you to come and thus I should and must praise you. Acting like a girl and all. Since when are guys as calculative as you sia. I just hate the way to act and all. Let me tell you frankly, you aren't the best boyfriend anyone could get. Nah you definitely aren't. Cuz you are stingy, calculative and quick tempered.

Moreover, Don't expect me to do something I don't like to do. Sometimes I really think that your manners are putting everyone off. You just don't know how to act appropriately at different situations. You act as you wish and think that nobody will care. You never ever get hints even though I always hinted you on what to do. And thus, you got my life in a mess. Your actions are always in opposition to my Mum's. Thus I am always trapped in the middle. Who suffers most? Non other than me.

By the way, I wasn't very happy with you yesterday. Think of how you acted yesterday when I said buy another packet of rice for Mum if you haven't passed by MRT station. You could have told me that you had already passed by what. Nah but you didn't. You showed up with a black face and threw a tandrum at me. Then when you can't sleep after lunch, you acted like the whole world owed you something. -.- Those actions put me off.

After that, when I asked you why you keep playing with my hair when I am gaming, you continued. I gave such an irritated reaction but you still didn't get it at all that you were disturbing me. Then, I was trying to study there and you had to come and touch and disturb me times and again. I swept your hand away from shoulder and lap but you just didn't get it. Don't tell me you didn't get the meaning after so many times. And then, when I couldn't stand it at all, I had to tell you straight. Yes, you get offended whenever I tell you straight. But if I didn't do that, you just don't know. Or maybe you just acted not to know? If you don't want me to tell you straight in the face then please learn to read body language!!! And leave me alone when I really need to study for my paper. Touching me will only make you a nuisance and irritate me cuz I hate to be touched. Yea that serves as a reminder to you AGAIN. Not that I have not told you in the past.

Plus how many times must I tell you I don't like to go to your place cuz I always end up doing nothing there. Moreover, it's exam period now. Why should I waste my time to go to your house and accompany you study while I do nothing there?! Are you making sense or not?! For everything you do, you only think of yourself. Such self-centred and selfish thinkings. Yea I realise, you are always at the centre of everything. Ever always. Is this how a guy should think? Is this how he chase a woman? Thinking back, I am always the one who is giving way and thus making you more and more selfish. You weren't like this in the beginning. You've changed. You are far too selfish... and I can no longer take it anymore.

I knew it. I knew that you would say that you have headache or whatever shit whenever you asked me to go your house but I didn't go. You always tried to make me feel bad, but you are wrong. It only made you feel like an irritating bastard cuz you tried to make me feel guilty so that you can get your motive. I will not give in anymore. Take it or leave it. I won't care anymore. I have seen enough of you and your tricks and I will not fall for any anymore.

I really feel like I am wearing the pants in this relationship and I really hate it! Yea bei was right, you are more willing to spend my money than yours. Saying that I am sweet or that is how you respect me will not help anymore. No I won't be so stupid anymore cuz no matter how nice I treat you, you will still be the same.

.shan was irritated!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Vexed

2008-11-23T19:44:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Darn. I am getting so fed up with everything. Yes, I was too generous. I overspent for just a normal birthday. Yea selfish, stingy, take others for granted, insentitive and insensible. Fine, I will just take it. I shall just stop giving and start learning to receive. I swear I won't take anymore initiative. Not at all. Darn it sounds so easy but when it comes to doing it, I just can't. ): That makes me darn irritated with myself. Yes, I seriously don't know which role am I playing in the relationship. I am confused. It's probably a male or a bi-sexual. )))): They sound correct, yes they probably are. Maybe that's why I am so pissed when they bring the matter up. Yet I don't know what to do... I tried, but it all failed. So what do you want me to do? I am vexed myself too. So stop nagging already. I am getting so annoyed with things. Grr...

.shan is vexed!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Pictures for Darling's Birthday!

2008-11-18T00:27:00.016+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Ok here are some of the pictures on my darling's Birthday! (:

First shot. At Tao's. He tried using my camera phone to take picture, but failed, so I had to take it myself. Lousy fellow. =X

Second shot. At Tao's before they served our food. Tried again cuz the first shot I was
caught unprepared. Heh.

Third shot. He took it cuz I wasn't happy that my head appeared bigger than his in the previous 2 pictures cuz he was further away from camera! LOL. And I have no idea why this shot was sooo... dark. Conclusion: Lousy photographer. :D

At starbucks with Java Chips!! (((: Yummy... Look at the him, busy drinking my fav! Notice the messy table. Those papers were left by the 2 person using before us, not us. (:

And... His NEW watch, called "Dreamnight". Oh... and we were told that this is a unisex couple watch. This is the black version. There is a white version one too, with the exact design and size, but the colour makes it look more femenine. Too feminine for him. HAHA!

So pretty right? I chose it... and not to forget, there are bling blings!! Since it's a couple watch, then I think his other half is the store owner, cuz the white one is still in the store! LOL.

And here are the white and black versions. (: Can't see clearly cuz the official Swatch Website doesn't allow me to save the bigger and clearer picture. Heh. The White one is called "Dreamwhite" and the black one "Dreamnight". So cool... (:

Yep and that is all. Time to turn in anyway. Gotta go town and settle my lawn bowls team T-shirt tomorrow morning. Oyasumi! (:

.shan bids farewell!

I miss you.
I love you.
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Darling's Birthday! (:

2008-11-16T23:12:00.009+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Heh today's my darling's birthday! Whee~ And guess what? For once I am not late meeting him! LOL... though he still did reach earlier than me. Went Tao's at Paradiz Centre to have a 6-course set lunch. Super yummy and it's considered cheap too. :DD Went there once with my family and had a very good impression of that restaurant. (: I really won't mind paying GST with that kind of service and their quality and amount of food. We ate till we were so full that we skipped dinner too! HAHA!

Went shopping with darling at PS after that and yea I got darling a Swatch watch which cost 239 bucks, but due to budget constrains, he had to top up whatever that is out of my 150 bucks budget. Heh... Sorry darling, only if my Dad prints money. HAHAHA! Did some shopping, but we grew tired of it so off we went to arcade to watch others play. Oh we did play too la. Haha... Wanted to catch this skeleton soft toy from The Night Before Christmas for Darling, but couldn't get it. ):

Caught a show after that. The Coffin. Darling paid for it since he was the one who wanted horror movie. Eww.... Had Java Chips from Starbucks after the show. Darling's treat again! Heheh... and that made me a happy girl, cuz that is my favourite drink! :D Thanks so much darling! Left for Marina barage after coffee but when we reached there, we realised that the poster wrote last shutter bus service: 2000hrs. Zzz... Oh gosh and we had just missed the shutter bus by 10 minutes. Grr... Tried walking there, but we realised that it's quite far and so it was home sweet home. :D

How I wish everyday would be like this. HAHA! Except for the spending money part. Hmm... I hope my darling is happy today. Sorry that I didn't plan the activities well but you can't deny that I had chosen to dine in at a superb place right? (:

Anyway that's all for the day I guess. (: Need to go discuss and do some readings before meeting the SC3101 gang tmr. ): Ja mata ne! (:

.shan is super broke but happy! (:

I miss you.
I love you.
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Exam Blues

2008-11-13T22:28:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sigh... I don't even know how I should be feeling now. Ambiguous feelings. ): Just uploaded and completed my last research project (SC3101 Social Theory and Social Thought) today. I know I should be feeling happy, but then again, the finals are in a week's time and I haven't started studying! I am so darn dead. ):

I am worried, stressed, depressed, emo... I swear this is the worst semester ever, and I call it "Hell Sem". Argh... First 3 papers are back to back. What makes it worse is that the 1st paper is Sc3101 and I know nuts about it! On top of that, it falls on a SATURDAY EVENING. Sheesh... What kind of a paper is this? Deadliest paper? Probably. ):

2nd paper, GEK2500 Living with Chemistry on the 24th. My one and only one non-soci module of the semester. Grr... Hopefully the lecturer is kind enough not to give such weird and tricky questions. ):

3rd paper, SC3205 Sociology of Education on 25th Nov. Hopefully I score well, cuz my term paper really suck. Way way below average man. Don't know if the french lecturer did read my paper properly or not cuz her comments sounded like she didn't see the interviews at the back, so she can't link. =S

Hmm... 4th paper SC2206 on 2th Dec. Hopefully can get better grades. Term paper will only be released next week, so will have to make a trip back to school.

Last paper, SC2218 on 4th Dec. Argh, that one I really have no confidence over it. =S

Ok now I need to get back to my work and prepare for exams for "Hell Sem". Argh... Back to more podcast from Misha. ):

Gonna go look for dar's birthday present either tomorrow or Saturday. Have an idea what to get already, but design wise, shall worry about it when I get there. Ja mata ne! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is suffering from Exam Blues!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Break Free

2008-11-10T18:27:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

It's so ironic. The ones supposedly closest to you are also the ones who treats you like you don't belong, you are an outside, a criminal. I feel sad. Darn sad that Mum and Ah gal is prejudice against me and yet they claim that they are fair about everything. Ah gal has been up against me lately too. Joining force with Mum. They are really a bastard pair. I will not see their face and do things anymore. I will just act according to what I wish, cuz anyway they will still label me bad things even though I didn't do them. No and I won't see you both as part of my family which I need to respect anymore. Since you both don't respect me, so why should I? Thanks for giving me never-ending problems for the past 20 years. I won't be bothered by what you think of me anymore. After feeling like a 2nd class citizen in my house for so many years, I need to break free. Now that I am already half insane, I really can't take it anymore.

Yea I am stupid, I always go out and hang around some malls just like some Ah Lians, I always slack around cuz I have a four day school week blah blah blah. Label me whatever you like and I won't care anymore cuz it don't matter to me how you view me. You can continue thinking what you wish to. I don't give a damn. That is your problem, not mine.

So what if ah gal is in NTU accountancy, so what? I will see if she will support you next time since you are so willing to sponsor her everything without asking twice but not me just cuz you think she will definitely earn more money than me. Fine, continue your dream then, cuz I can't imagine seeing her doing that in the near future when she isn't even willing to share your birthday present with us. We will see... Till then, take care. You are on your own to suffer. Who told you to put all your eggs in one basket. You should have known that it is a super risky investment. You should have, but still you did it willingly. If you can be so cold to me, then you should have predicted that your day will come too...

Vent all your anger on me like you've always did and don't regret it when it is too late, cuz till then, I wont care anymore. I have given up hope on you both... I am soft-hearted but this really isn't the way I should be treated. No, it isn't. I swear that I will harden up my heart soon. This is the only way which I can survive in this house. Yea, it's the only way ironically.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is unhappy

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Quarrel

2008-11-10T01:26:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh my, oh my... The amount of work is really piling up. ): It's getting so darn stressful. I must admit I am not in the best of mood. Had a major quarrel with Yuexuan due to disagreements with the way he does things. Oh wells, I just wish that he would be more generous to me and more selfish to himself pertaining other matters, but he insisted his way of doing things. Yea to me it's stupid. Really stupid, others thought so too, but oh wells he just won't listen and that pissed me off.

His words are so darn hurtful. Some things just can't be put so bluntly, but times and again he didn't even take care of my feelings and repeat them again and again. I know guys won't care about all those hurtful words you say, they will forget it soon. No, but you are talking to me now. I am not a guy so please be more sensitive can you? Is that too much to ask for? The worst thought is, I have sacrificed so much for you, but you put it as if I am stupid and I voluntarily wanted to attend it. No, I have thought it over and over again and I finally came to the decision which I made and you weren't even appreciative of it? Sigh... It really hurts me when you say "I love me, I care about you" but your word and actions don't really express them. I wonder how true are those "I love you".

Maybe if you had withdrew more money and foot my bill last night I wouldn't have been so calculative, but you had to draw so little that there wasn't even to pay. Oh wells, small actions do tell a lot at times. And it's all these small actions which accumulate to form this stingy impression which I have on you.

Let me put it out straight to you. If you hadn't insist that you pay everything with your pocket money and refuses those extra money which your parents offered you when you purchased clothes, you would have had more money to spend on me and not be so stingy to yourself too. But you insisted, so here I am suffering with my ever-so-little pocket money and there you are, rejecting to accept money your parents offer. In the end, who suffers? Me. Cuz I do not have enough pocket money to afford all these extra meals outside as my pocket money is only for lunch-ing in school purposes only and they are barely enough for me. For every decision you make, it affects me, just that you haven't realised it. I hope you were as nice, kind and generous to me as to your friends. I wished, but there are only one or two days in a month that you will do that. It makes me happy whenever you do that, however, those days are just so rare.

Yea I am demanding, and I know that. I pity you sometimes. I hoped that you could be as smart as your brother sometimes. I got pissed with you whenever you make stupid decisions but you never listened, cuz it's family. Yea ok, I get it... Sooner or later you will still have to make a decision and I am quite sure that you will still choose family. Till then, I will just back off.

And that leaves me with one more task for the week. On top of finishing up 24 hours of non-stop podcast on some boring social theories, I still need to plan for Yuexuan's birthday this Sunday and finally... Think about what I like about him. Yea that is what he said we both should think about this week since it seemed like I like nothing about him. ):

Can't help but feel sad whenever he said all those hurtful words, pisses me off and make me cry. Honestly, I don't know what I like about him, but I know for sure that I will regret if I let him go. Still, I don't know why I make him angry and argue with him. I just don't know why... I have my interest at heart, but I can't deny that I do have his interest at heart too. However, they seem like it isn't his real interest. ): Oh wells, oh wells... Do arts and engine people have such different thinking? Hmm... I think not, cuz Bei has the same thinking as me... Or was it gender's fault? Hmm... I think not too, cuz Weijian agrees with me too... I guess it must be because he is weird. His thinking is so darn weird that nobody can understand him. =S Maybe cuz of the way he is brought up? I don't know. I don't know much about how he is being brought up, but he is really a big time mummy's boy. ): Yea I said I like mummy's boy, but seems like I am beginning to regret now. Oh wells *shrugs*

Ok enough of it. Back to podcast and my boring "date" with Misha. Argh...

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

scald

2008-11-09T14:47:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went out to celebrate See Chai's birthday and Mum, ah gal and Yuexuan had to piss me off once and again. Freak. I just don't understand what Yuexuan is thinking man. Just making a statment about someone NOT even close to him and he has to have such a big reaction and take it so personally. Fine then I shall ignore, since he is so unreasonable in the first place.

Watched SC3101 podcast till 3am last night and went to sleep cuz I was having bad, very bad blocked nose. Lay on bed but could fall asleep cuz the blocked nose has turned into blocked and runny nose and I was feeling so so uncomfortable. Soon, there was downpour, but still super humid. Yea I think my nose can be a weather forcast tool. It predicts rain quite well. =x

Woke up at 2pm cuz I only managed to fall asleep darn late. Ate only 2 small tau sar pia and went to make myself a cup of milo, but I scalded my fingers with boiled water all thanks to ah gal for only closing the hot water container's inner lid HALF tight. -.- Hearing me scald myself, mum reacted. However her reaction was "the water in the kettle is just boiled! Use the kettle instead!" What the hell la... I scalded myself all cuz of ah gal but she wasn't even scolded but I was the one. Just cuz I use from the wrong container?! Freak! I got scalded by boiling water and that is how you reacted? I don't think you should be a mum la... Seriously, you aren't fit.

So yea... Once again, I will be suffering from a hungry stomach again. Oh maybe I can eat my scalded fingers if I am hungry later. Anyway the surface should be cooked. =X

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is pissed

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

10 Months!

2008-11-02T11:30:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh yay! Our love is 10 months and a day old already! (: Darling brought me out to Bugis to shop! Yay shopping! Haven't been hitting the malls for don't know how long already la. :D Wore my heels today and yea I can't deny that they are a torture. =X But oh wells, they look nice what. What to do right... LOL

Oh and darling bought me a pair of shades!! Whee~ Pretty pretty! Darling saw me eyeing on that pair of shades since the last time I saw it at Charles and Keith @ PS, so he decided to get it for me. Wanted to get it for myself but he insisted to pay. Wahaha... So sweet! (: Muacks! He's getting sweeter by the days and I am so gonna get diabetes! I am a happy girl now! ^^ Thanks lots for all you have done for me these 10 months, tolerating my nonsense and all. And thanks for all the up and down times... Last of all, thanks for staying with me. We came a long way (Oh, not that long actually) and quarrelled many times too, but I grew to love you more. (: Really thanks for pampering me and everything! :D

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for you to be right beside me. Always.

.shan feels oh-so-blissful! (:

I miss you.
I love you.
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Suicidal

2008-10-12T19:49:00.008+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I broke down. I really can't take it any longer. The world is unfair. My parents aren't treating me fairly. Nothing I do is right. So you think that mocking me and treating me unfairly will make your life better huh? Do you know how much pressure I am in? Nah I doubt so, all you know is that I am darn slack just cuz I have a 4 day week. This life sucks.

So you hope very much that I will suffer right? You wished very hard that I will break up with him right? The worst thing is, you make it so clear that you are treating me unfairly and still claim that you are fair about everything. Fine, Bei is clever ok. She got herself a boyfriend who has a car, is willing to splurge on her and pay for her things, knows how to sweet talk you, and have parents who always insist on driving her home. Thus you treat them better huh? And me, yea I am stupid cuz I always go out shopping and stay up late, and got a less generous boyfriend, who doesn't know how to sweet talk you and parents who aren't sending me home automatically though they are rich. So I deserved to be treated this way eh?

And if you haven't know, we reach home late cuz we had to take public transport while others who have car can drive and reach home faster. So it is my fault for reaching home at 11pm huh?And for your information, I broke the curfew much lesser times than Bei. I almost didn't break any k? I leave the shopping mall earlier than her but still reach home later and it's my fault. (Yea yea yea, I should have left earlier like at 8.30pm you always say.) You never ever analyse the situation which different people are in and you just jump to conclusions. You treat people who are richer better. All for your own selfish reasons. Have you thought how I would feel when I actually make more efforts than anyone else and still get the same negative words from you. Have you ever thought?

The words you said, the actions you did. They were clearly targetted at me. Nothing I do will please you. My efforts were always unrecognised. I gave up.

Now I wish I could jump off from the building and just die. There is nothing in this world which I really treasure. Nothing... There isn't justice and fairness in this society.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is suicidal

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Depressed

2008-10-12T18:00:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wells oh wells, I feel so depressed and worried about school. ): Somehow this semester just seems like hell. I haven't even went shopping for don't know how many weeks or months. I meant a proper shopping trip. The last time I went to the theatres was to watch The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Now you can imagine how long that was eh? It's always go out eat, then head back to home again. ARGH... My weekends are all burnt with project meet-ups. ): Tell me when will I get out of all these?! I don't seem to see and end to all these...

3 research papers, 3 projects and 2 presentation on my hands now and more is expected to come. The best part is... For all of them (yes, and I meant ALL), it's either not yet started or barely started and they are all due in about 2 weeks time!! Oh sigh, such a short time for so many things. Just what happened this semester?? I think I am going crazy. ):

I need retail therapy... Somehow contributing to the economy and getting something I love just makes me feel so so much better. What others say is true. Whenever you feel down, you will tend to shift and focus your attention on yourself in materialistic way like shopping and buying stuff. However, these decisions are usually very impulsive and one usually regret getting the stuff which they had spent on when they cool down later.

Oh wells oh wells, whatever it is, just get me out of this hell which I am going through... ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan feels depressed

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Pissed

2008-10-02T23:19:00.009+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

In a super pissed mood now. Please put yourself in other's shoes. If you DO NOT want to be treated the way you have treated them, then kindly not do it to them! A whole lot of nonsense which you knew very well I won't accept.

Lunched in school today. Wanted beef hor fun but there aren't any beef, so had to change to seafood hor fun which costed me $2.30. It sucks I must say. Didn't really eat despite how hungry I was. Had ice lemon tea and honeydew (cuz there wasn't any guavas) after that to compensate those seafood hor fun which I had thrown away. Total cost of lunch = $2.30 (hor fun) + $0.50 (my ice tea) + $0.50 (his ice tea) + $0.50 (honeydew) = $3.80! What a super duper expensive lunch in school.

Nah and no movies today cuz some asshole said he is super tired. (Next time I will not plan anything cuz it always go down the drain.) I wanted to go back my house to rest while he go back to his, but I could clearly sense his *anger/ resentment/ disappointment (*delete appropriately). No choice but to follow him to his house just to sit and sleep on his sofa for 1.5 hours and then leave for home. How stupid. The best part is, he didn't even bother sending me to the bus-stop. -.- He just continued to sleep. Darn. How gentlemanly. Worse still, he didn't even bother sms-ing me or anything till 7pm plus when he had finished his dinner. Yea yea yea, I bet he has forgotten all about me. Freak.

I take back my words saying that he is sweet and all. Gonna take it all back. After all, he still went back to his old heck care attitude. I think it's just his character. I give up. Maybe I should just start looking for a new candidate or consider becoming single. Thinking back, single isn't that bad after all too.

And stupid dad had to be so fierce and scold me for putting a little bucket of cookie on his laptop which he don't know where he got it from. Accuse me for apply pressure on the keyboard when I clearly was just trying to remove the lid off the little bucket. Please, and I didn't even apply any pressure on your don't-know-whose precious laptop! Freak. Guys seriously are a bunch of ~~idiots~~ irritating people. So get lost and shoo...

I wonder if it's true that "A dream is a wish the heart makes." Hmm... Maybe. Maybe I have been trying hard to suppress thoughts deep inside.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan feels unwanted

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Happy Happy Girl! =D

2008-09-29T01:26:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Whee~ I am a happy girl now. (: Happy happy happy! :D All thanks to my sweet darling! Heh... Met my project mates at Raffles City for project at 2pm and expected them to end at about 4pm but it didn't!! ): Darling reached at about 3.30pm and said he will wait for me at MPH till the project ends, but.... it didn't end till 6.45pm!!! Grrr... Was super drained out and pissed off with them for taking about 5 darn hours just to do a stupid abstract for our project! They knew perfectly that I had something on after that, but they had to drag their time. Toilet breaks after toilet breaks for them which took them super long cuz the queue was darn darn long at the ladies due to the F1 event. What more, they had to go down to the smallest details like which is the most appropriate words to use, and where the sentence should fall. -.- And hello, this isn't the final submission please. You can always amend later. The tutor only wants to know how we are doing so far. Zzzz! I can't imagine how long my final project (5000 words) will take to complete if they continue at this speed! Maybe years and years? Sheesh...

Darling was darn sweet to wait all the way till 7pm without any complains. Imagine standing from 3.30pm till 7pm with nothing to do but to wait. On top of that, with an empty stomach! I will be darn pissed k... =X But oh wells, he didn't complain. I was the one complaining instead. LOL how evil of me to torture him this way after he has stood around and waited for so long 3.5 darn hours. And thanks so much for listening to my complains. =D

Went Nihon Mura at The Cathay to eat and then I suggested that we have our dessert at P.S. cafe at Paragon. Yes, darling was so so so nice to suggest sushi, my favourite for dinner! =D Dinner was filling, but dessert was far too sinful and filling. =S Chocolate Fudge cake with ice-cream. Couldn't finish it and had to leave cuz they were closing. Zzzz like at 9.30pm. I would strongly recommend the outlet at Dempsey Hill cuz it has a much much better ambience than the outlet at Paragon. =X Proceeded home after that with a full stomach. =D Day was simple but sweet all thanks to my darling! (:

Oh yea and not to mention, darling even bought a pair of contacts secretly and dressed up just for me. Thanks so much. P.S. I love it when darling dresses up nicely for me! =D

And oh... I almost forgot. I called darling at 1am just now just to gossip about so and so having third party in their relationship. And he kindly entertained me when he has 9am lessons tomorrow. Ok I am feeling darn darn guilty now. =X Thanks darling so much for everything. (:

Ok that's all for the very tiring day. Gonna turn in soon. Have to hit the library to get my research started if I don't wanna regret it later. (:

Oyasumi ne! Ja mata! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan felt blissed! (:

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Midterm break

2008-09-27T01:19:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wells, how I wish my break is longer. How I wish I had lesser projects to do. How I wish I've got more hands. Midterm break... It isn't a break at all. It's a time for you to meet up and do research and get started on your projects, assignments, presentations and more of them! Grr... This one week break, I feel relaxed and stressed at the same time! Actually this is my worst semester till now. I wonder why am I so busy. Is is because I have made the wrong choice and bidded for 4 sociology modules together? I guess so. Argh... But what to do I am left with no choice. My programmes account is near bankruptcy. Or rather I can already declare it bankrupt already. Aww... and the worse part is all the other modules are far far too expensive to bid for! Zzz.. In the end, I had to appeal and they gave me GEK2500 Living with Chemistry!! Ok la, I can't deny that it is interesting, but look at the 2 lecture timings! Not that I can skip one, cuz there are 2 lectures per week!

Tues 4pm to 6pm when I already have straight lessons from 10am to 4pm! So that means I DO NOT have ANY breaks for the whole long long long day from 10am till 6pm. And what not, I have to travel all the way to Science faculty and the buses are always full. So I will always end up being stuck in the peak hour traffic jams and only get home at 8.30pm to have my dinner after 2 long 2.5 hours journey! The other lecture, Friday 4 to 6pm again! There goes my day. One lesson for the entire day and I had to travel back to school specially for that module. Moreover, I can't go shopping after that too! Aww... What a sad sad sad semester! I hope I have better luck next semester. ): Please give me breaks so that I don't have to starve myself and sit into class with an empty stomach which can't stop protesting. ):

Ok and midterm break is coming to an end soon. Real soon. Darn! and I still have 2 projects not yet started (and my project mates can't be bothered too). Project meeting at Raffles City Starbucks this SUNDAY again. Argh... Aren't Sunday family day and a day to rest? I don't think it applies to students sadly. ): Oh wells, back to work. Enough of rambling. Ja mata ne!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Blissed

2008-08-30T02:15:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went IMM yesterday with dar cuz I needed to get myself a pair of jeans, and Bei told me that the Esprit Factory Outlet is selling jeans at $29.90, $39.90 and $49.90. Oh wells, but the jeans there just couldn't fit me cuz they've ran out of sizes. Grr... Bought a belt instead at $39.90 but found out that its too loose on me. Haha greedy me thought that I should get the longest length since they are of the same price. Now I regret. Boo... No choice but to give it away a brand new belt which burnt a hole in my pocket. Should have heeded dar's advice. -.-

Walked around and saw Levis Strauss is selling 2 selected bottoms and a top at $99.90. Told Bei about it and she said she wanted to share too cuz one pair of her jeans is gonna spoil already. Can see small holes. LOL. So she suggested that we go back again today. (:

Dar bought me a super duper pretty turtle neck t-shirt from FOS cuz I said I love it, but he thinks that I've spent too much on the belt for the day already. Thanks dar, you're so sweet. Remain this sweet k? (I don't mind if you become even sweeter too. Hehee.. ) (: Shall wear it on some special occasion. Heh... Muacks. *shy* Oh and dar says I look super chio in that t-shirt. Lol of cuz right, I look chio in everything I wear. Even polo-tees. (Oops, BHB again) =P

However, poor dar went home feeling sick. Caught a fly bug and thus I didn't manage to go back CJ today. Argh... Honestly speaking, I really miss Mr. Foo. ): Went for chemistry lecture at 4pm and then ate dinner at the Arts canteen after that. Headed to IMM to meet Bei, Ah gal and ~~idiot~~ Weijian. Missed our bus when we were crossing the overhead bridge. Waited till the sky turned dark and the stupid 188 still won't come. Zzz...

Just then, I received a call from Weijian and picked it up only to hear him shouting into the phone. Couldn't hear clearly what he was talking cuz he was just speaking too loud that the speaker became muffled. (loanshark in the making eh? =X) Then I heard him say that they reach already and they had rushed down from Jurong Point and took a cab cuz Bei was afraid that I would wait alone. He then added that the cab fare costed a bomb cuz it's peak hour at that time. ): I almost cried la, not cuz I was touched that they rushed down, but cuz I was so scared and it wasn't my fault that the bus wont come. When the first 188 finally come, it was too crowded and so the bus gave our stop a miss. ARGH!! We had no choice but to wait for the second bus. ): Dar saw that I was unhappy and he suggested to take a cab and he would pay for it cuz I gave a black face. Upon reaching I asked Bei if they really cabbed down, they said they took shuttle bus from JP! He fooled me! Sucks, now you know why I call Weijian an idiot. =X

Bei they all went for dinner first while dar and I shopped around waiting for them to finish their dinner. Proceeded to get a pair of jeans and headed home after that. (: Dar's flu got worsen upon getting home. ): Sorry for making you go down to IMM with me when you are already unwell. Really sorry. ): Hope you get well soon k? (: I shall go visit the weak and sick tomorrow. =X

That's all for the day. Time for sweet dreams. Update when I am free again. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is happy!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

I Wish to See the World

2008-08-25T00:55:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I wish I am rich. Then I can fly to all parts of the world and see for myself what the other side of the globe look like.

I envy others who could fly every year. I wish to go to a place where there is crystal blue sea against the sky blue sky. I wish I could touch the pure white snow, and see them fall from the sky above. I wish to see flowers in the wild. The whole field of them, and lie on the field in the open air at night to gaze at the blinking stars against the dark sky. How great will it be if they would come true one day. How I wish... ))):

It makes me feel sad whenever I see pictures of others enjoying themselves overseas. Only if I could be like them... ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan wishes to see the world badly

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

being taken advantage of

2008-08-21T16:47:00.008+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sigh... School and home stuff are all in a mess. I am getting more and more disheartened each day. I just don't feel loved. Not even my family members. Why am I blamed for whatever nonsense while others are not only spared of it, but on the other hand get their blames counted on me? Yea mum counts their wrong-doings on me too.

I used to have a computer desk and study desk. Now the computer desk has been occupied by ah gal since the end of the 'A' Levels till now. How do you expect me to do my work at my small study desk when there are so many books and files. Mum don't allow me to place them anywhere else. Mum asked me to clear all my stuff from the coumpter table and I've threw all away already. I even cleared all those handouts from my previous years from my study desk but there just aren't enough space at my study table. And look now, ah gal is putting her books on the computer table, after I have cleared mine. So mum's ultimate motive is to make me clear my stuff and for ah gal to use eh? Now I know. Yea clear my things so that the smart girl in the family can use the computer. So that she has much more space and I have to resort to my pathetic study table to study and do my work.

I told ah gal that I have got not enough space to do my work properly, then she snapped at me and said that I am selfish when she clearly is the one who is selfish. I have made enough sacrifices. I used to do my work in the kitchen but cuz I am allergic to the boiling oil smell whenever mum cooks, and its crowded having 3 person sharing the dining table to do homework, I shifted into the room to work. Eventually I got used to work in the study room. Then bei soon joined me in the room. However, she still goes out to the kitchen to study sometimes.

Ah gal soon got "stuck" to the computer and takes it as her computer, her table. I gave way as I wasn't in need of using the computer to work last december as it was my exam periods and I just had to study. Dad lent me his office laptop which was super duper slow but I had no complains too. Now that I only want my computer desk back she complains. What the hell is this? Now bei has 2 tables, the computer desk which she works on, and the study desk which she puts her books and stuff, and ah gal has 3 tables. Kitchen table, the computer table which she proclaim as hers now and her study table. Now what? So I am left with my study table eh? What shit is this?

Ah gal said that I have been selfish the past don't know how many years cuz I was using the computer all the while, but I did let her use when she needs it ok. On the other hand, when I really need to use the desktop to print my report, my handouts or do my project, she refused to let me use it just because she wants to play her games. So who is the one who is selfish now huh? -.-

This is what happens when mum always side with her just cuz she is clever and she scores better than me in her exams. Just because she is the youngest and I always have to let her do things her way. I am scolded whenever I am selfish, but look at her. Whenever I tell mum of her selfish acts, she will either act that she didn't hear it, ask me to give in cuz I am elder. I am sick of growing up in this family. Always having to give in to all their nonsense and they don't even appreciate what I am doing.

Good, I am always an easy push-over huh? Give me all those things which others no longer want. Make full use of me whenever you need me and dispose me off after using without even thinking. Maybe I am just another transparent person which nobody will care about. I am an useless person cuz I am dumb. I am stupid and I am nice to bully and easy to dispose. Nobody will ever stand up for me when I get accused of something I did not do. Nobody will ever help me when I am really in deep shit. Nobody ever cared if I lived. Yea maybe I should just disappear as soon as possible. I hate selfish people who still accuse me as selfish. I have seen enough of this shit in my family and I will not help in cleaning up your shit next time when anything happens. I shall be a selfish person and only care for my own survival. If this is how you treat me, then don't ever regret if I treat you the same way. I will fight for my right if that is what you force me into.

I hate mum for her bias-ness. I won't ever treat everyone the same anymore, for things still didn't change even if I treated you nicely. All you know was to take advantage of me. All of you.

School has been very much annoying this semester. First, CORS screwed up badly this semester and I didn't manage to secure my 5 modules this semester. I have only 4 now. Grr... I have made an appeal, however, the reply is so so so darn slow. It has been a week and I have yet to receive any notice from the faculty. The status still remains as "In process. Please wait for the faculty to reply." Oh please, the balloting period for tutorials has been over already and I have yet to get a reply?! How am I gonna get my tutorial slot when in the first place I don't know if I would be allocated with any modules or not. Grrr... Frustrating period.

Please let the days be more peaceful. I hate this stressful uni life. I hate how things are now. I hate the feeling of being betrayed, of being taken advantage of. I hate everything now.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is being taken advantaged of

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Naive Boyfriend

2008-08-10T16:00:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

You've changed. Things aren't like what they were when it first begin. Don't always tell me that I didn't think that much when I confront you cuz when I confront you, it's already all too late. You know why I don't like to go to your house nowadays? Firstly, I don't have any concessions. Secondly, you just open your house to anyone and everyone who wants to go. So to sum it up, isn't it a public place already. Other people only open to their partners but you open for ALL. Even last minute notices. Yea your parents are alright with it, but have you thought of how I will feel. It's not like you open to close friends like See Chai and all only. You open to nikki, OGs and all others. How would you feel if I always open my house to everyone. Go reflect on it. People take you for granted and you haven't even realised it eh? You open it once then, there's twice, then there will be thrice and then its neverending. Might as well claim it as some free BBQ area. -.-

Told you to get yourself some decent clothes long time ago and you had to give me excuses such as wait for GSS, then wait for post GSS and then what now? School is restarting and you haven't seen any nice ones eh? Of cuz la, in the first place, did you even step into any shops to look at what they have to offer? The answer is a big NO. Even when I go out with you, I also get pissed off cuz you never look at them. You'd rather look at windows, look across the shopping centres or look at some expensive food which we won't dine in at. I hinted you for so long and yet you didn't bother. When I said my sisters also thinks that your clothes are limited then you said you'd start looking. Yea look huh? So my sisters' remarks are so important right. Fine. And decent clothes are clothes from Giodarno or Hang Ten. No matter how many Hang Ten stores you pop into over the island, they still offer the same series. So don't bother telling me you went to look at them cuz they aren't called decent clothes under my definition. If you want t-shirts might as well go to some cheapo stores to get them rather than eye-ing on some OP national day t-shirt which cost almost 30 bucks. The thing is, you've got bad dress sense which I didn't blame you for, but you just won't remember what are the clothes which look nice on you after I've said a zillion times over and over again. Is looking at others and how they dress so difficult? I doubt so. So stop looking for some normal t-shirts which does not even appeal. Maybe Bei was correct. All scorpio guys are like this. They are touchy, are stubborn, have bad sense of dressing and last of all, they are stingy.

Don't tell me you aren't stingy cuz I have seen enough. You aren't willing to get yourself some decent clothes and will only go for t-shirts from Hang Ten, Giodarno and whatever not. At least get something which fits your age will you? -.- Or are you waiting for me to get you some decent clothes? -.-

And when I am working, you didn't even offer to come down and meet me for dinner or whatever not. You know that I am busy and tired, but you had to wait for me to ask you about where you wanna go on the 1st. Thanks eh? If you have so much time, why didn't you go look for some nice eatery area so that you can bring me there? No gifts whatsoever too. Is this how you treat me huh? If my mum ask you to dine in that day, then can't you make it up the day after or something since its saturday and I'm not working. Nah you didn't. On the 1st or other occasions, you always made the effort to wear contacts, but now you didn't. You can't be bothered.

Somehow I changed when you started changing. You weren't as sweet as before. You became more selfish. You don't view me as important as to when we started. Stop being so naive and think that things must go your way and I will always listen to you for I have made alot of sacrifices already. Most of which I haven't voiced out.

And stop your nonsense about your OG stuff. You always agree to them first and then you inform me. Ain't I right? And you had to volunteer your own house for BBQ just cuz they can't find a place. There are other solutions like changing the date and all, but you had to volunteer. Yea you are clever eh? Have you thought that if there is a first, there will be a second? Don't tell me that you are the only one who stays in a condo. I won't believe in such bullshit. You just had to act clever and nice to offer your place. Be the hero eh? Bet it boosted your ego quite alot. Now everyone knows that your place is free for BBQ, expect more BBQ outings at your house ok? There will be more every holidays. Now you see why I am so unhappy with your stupidity? Cuz you always think of the short-run and not the long. You always think that the world is so darn fair and nobody will take you for granted. Then you can jolly well stay in your dreams and think that the world is perfect. Maybe this is the difference between someone who has gone out to the world and see and experience for herself what the real outside world is and someone who hasn't. All I did was try to protect you when I opposed your friend from going to your house for BBQ but you think that I was at fault. Fine then. One day when you have gone to the outside world to see for yourself then will you know that its not as perfect as you have thought. When that day comes, you will appreciate me for doing what I am doing now.

If you think offering your place for BBQ isn't something you had a choice, and volunteering yourself for vice-OGL isn't something you had a choice too, think again. Why aren't others volunteering themselves too? There are so many people there, why must it be you? Because others are clever enough to know that those things are long time commitment and once they volunteer themselves its difficult to reject the next time. But all you thought was since others don't do it, then I will have to do it. How naive. To others, you seem to be generous and helpful, but to me, you are naive and stingy. Since you are willing to spend your money on camp, BBQs, outings and all, then why is it so hard to get yourself some decent clothes with that money. Which is more important? Go think for yourself.

If you think that I have been too harsh or unreasonable, then wait till you see what is outside. Dragging things won't help. It's best to do what has to be done as soon as possible. And just in case you don't know, you are more naive and simple minded than mature and I can assure you that nobody likes their boyfriend this way. Wake up before I make the big decision. If not I will leave you for good.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Lost

2008-08-04T21:29:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

What will you do if your eyes tells you it isn't but your heart and brain tries to psycho that it is? ): Maybe my brain and heart just wished so much that what I saw was actually what I had thought or had wanted it to be. Sigh... Such a small detail is enough to trigger so much memories which made me evoke ambiguous emotions.

How I wish things could be simpler. Only if things are simpler.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan feels lost

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

I wish to be happier

2008-08-03T21:51:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wells... I know I haven't been updating in a long, long, long, long time. Sometimes I didn't have the mood to blog, while other times I just didn't have the time to blog. =x

School's reopening soon, and hence my blog will return to its hibernating state soon. Again. =x Didn't do anything much this holiday. Was stoning and rotting at home most of the time.

Somehow, on my way back from Yuexuan's house today, I can't help but to feel so lonely and lost that I began to feel sorry for myself. No idea if it's mood swing or what, but I just feel very lonely deep inside. Maybe cuz I look independent and strong on the outside, people just dont realise that I am lonely.

I just don't feel happy. I've lost the motivation to do things. I just merely do things to please people but regret after doing them, cuz most won't even appreciate what I have done. I feel easily disappointed when things do not turn out the way I had expected them to be. Sigh... I feel so sorry for myself. Maybe it's just my character. Or am I really a loner as ah gal has said?

I miss the good old times when I used to be much more cheerful.

How I wish there is such as thing as prince charming, who is handsome/ cute, who understands me like Jiaying does, and last of all, who is a gentleman. Oh tell me which girl won't like such a perfect guy? Sadly, nobody's perfect. ): Sometimes I can't help to wonder if I am asking too much?

Maybe I am just a too complicated person that nobody can understand me. Maybe... ):

I wish... I could be happier person. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan sobbed

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve

2008-06-09T23:39:00.018+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Yuexuan and I went to climb Bukit Timah Hill today. Tired after an afternoon out. =x Took some pictures, though some aren't really pretty. (:

Pictures paint a thousand words, so here they are. I guess these are more than a zillion words? Heh. Enjoy!

Oh here's the map. Just in case we lose our way. Wahaha!

A close-up of a fly. Didn't zoom close enough to see its millions and millions of disgusting eyes though. Heh actually my camera can't do it. =X LOL.

Hmm... Thorns don't only belong to roses k? This tree sure has more thorns than those from roses. Much longer and much more prickier. (:

And so this is the fruits of that pricky stem plant above.

There are some pink gum-looking stuff growing on this plant's leaves. Look like some bacteria infection cuz eventually, this pink stuff would "burn" a hole in the areas they rest.

The one and only building standing right in the middle of Bukit Timah Hill.

At the crossroad on our way to the summit. Which way would you choose?
The less steep but long and winding path or the steep but staired-like short path?
We took the long one up and the short one down. (:

Bird's nest fern!

Us conquering the summit of... ... *drum rolls* Bukit Timah Hill. LOL!

On our way down from the summit to the quary, we saw this. Stem twirling around each other. Don't it look like 2 snakes or something? (:

At the quary. Wow... Isn't this view magnificant? *round of applause* to the camera ~~man~~ woman and that is ME! :D

And this is us. Under the shelter at the quary. (:
His mouth open till so BIG. Won't be surprise if some insects fly in. Wahaha!

Look! The clouds look like lightning. (:

The first flower I saw at Bukit Timah Hill today! a few purple ones only! Pathetically little. Real beautiful though. (: Proudly shot by me! ^_^

2nd flower I saw at Bukit Timah Hill (and the last ones too). Yuexuan took this picure with my camera cuz I just can't get my camera to focus on these flowers. LOL.

And this huge lizard which scared me when it ran to hide. It was sun-tanning right beside the walkway and I didn't see it at all!

And this is the only picture of butterfly we managed to get cuz they all stopped too shortly and flew too fast. Way too fast before our hands could act. (:

Ok this is all for the day I guess. The pictures are taking way too long to upload and I am too tired after the long and tiring day. Oyasumi! Ja mata ne. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan was happy! :D

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Respect and Spiderhunter Bird

2008-06-08T21:10:00.030+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I feel super sad that there's no longer a place for me to vent my angers or pen my thoughts anymore. I seem to have no private space anymore. I seriously don't wish other people will read my blog unless I give you my address. Peeping around in the corner and memorising my address just to read my blog isn't something you should do. Please respect me. I need some privacy too!! Even if you happen to chance upon it, can't you at least not make me change any of the contents inside? Let me remind you that this my private space. It's solely for how I feel and there isn't right or wrong to what choose to pen inside.

Oh yea, and you were darn sweet on our last monthly anniversary and I am glad that your surprise on 2nd June managed to touch me. All I ask for isn't something expensive but just something to show me how sincere you are. It's the efforts that count. However, please don't ask for any kiss on the cheeck or hugs in return (both in public and in private) cuz I just hate to do it when I don't feel anything, and moreover, I don't see the need in doing so if I don't really mean it from the heart. If you get angry when I don't wanna give you any, then I guess I will leave you to be angry most of the time cuz you seem to be asking for it too often or too much. Rest assure, I won't give you any even when I know you will get angry cuz I just don't believe in doing so when I feel nothing. I believe it's supposed to come from the heart. The thing is, when you keep asking for something, it becomes darn irritating to me.

On a higher note, below are some pictures and videos of the spiderhunters (bird) and their nest which I have taken using Dad's digital camera. They have been building a nest on one of the plants outside my house since 2 days ago! They are like the size of a sparrow, but they have pointed beak which points downward. They have been visitors to the same old plant outside my house for years and will appear every morning to feed on the nectar from those fragrant flowers. (:

So here they go...

The spiderhunter busy building its nest. (:
Isn't it cute with its bright yellow feathers? ^_^

Oh... Look at that! They look so sweet together. The couple are building their love nest together. (:

Look! One of the spiderhunters is peeping from behind the leaves somewhere near its nest. =D Can you see it?

Here's a picture on their nest on the first day. The nest comprise mainly of dried flowers, twigs and feathers! Haha.
Look at all the twigs and feathers! Eeew... =x

The tree outside my house which the spiderhunters' nest are resting on.

Oh yea~ Here comes my favourite shot of the day! Isn't this picture beautiful? I waited so long for this moment k? Till my hands ache like mad. Heh. =D

And the last picture... A close-up image of the spiderhunter weaving its far-from-done nest. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried again

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Nonsense!!

2008-05-25T00:59:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I hate this. I hate to be born to this family. I hate being where and who I am now. I don't even feel like I have been treated like a part of the family at all. I feel like a maid, no maybe worse. I have no rights of speech. This is absurd and it's getting worse. I wanna escape from here. Only if I were dead. Sometimes I can't help but hope I would be knocked down by a bus or some big heavy vehicles when I cross the road. Maybe that would end my pain faster. I hate to put up a strong front and act like nothing is happening.

I hate it when I get accused of something I haven't done. I hate to be responsible for everything in the house but not my another sibling. Why is it that I get such unfair treatment? I've tried tolerating and keep quiet but that didn't help. They just accuse me for more and more things. I seem more rebellious than I am cuz that is what they always have thought. The impression which they eventually form in their mind. At the bad of their mind. Maybe I should have voiced out whatever I thought for the past 3 years since JC. Maybe that would be better. Now I would always seem to be lazy, useless, stupid and rude. Darn. I can no longer stand it anymore.

And what is with that nonsense that I can't watch movie while my younger sis can. She can play game and watch movie for the whole 3 months without doing much household chores while I only enjoyed less than one week after the exams and they are already trying to push all the household chores to me. I strongly feel that they are targetting me. Don't try to bullshit and say that my younger sis is working while I am slacking so I have to do household chores cuz for the 3 whole months, no 4 whole months after her 'A' levels, she didn't even iron her clothes, nor mop the floor once or even fold the clothes. So stop all your stupid nonsense. I don't accept it.

And even when I have done them, you both don't even acknowledge it at all. To you, I still did nothing. Cuz the impression has always been my younger sis is always helping in household chores while she hasn't even did any in don't know how many donkey years!! Not only that, you still made me do more thinking that I would submit to you as long as you request it. I despise this kind of people. Moreover, don't put words into my mouth and come out stupid things like I should be less rude and not rebut back nor raise my voice when it was clearly you who started it first. Put words which I hadn't even say into my mouth and said I was the one who was rude and raised my voice?! Oh please... You were the one who didn't even listen to me when I am talking and then you said that I said something else then you scolded me for saying those words which I hadn't spoken. This is so absurd. I think you should just reflect on yourself first. I think there is a need to tape record our conversations in the future so that you won't change your words and said something which you had said thinking that I had said them.

And you think those money that you give me are enough? Please la, they all add up to the dinner money which Mum had given you to buy us food and if we eat out, you are supposed to give us those money, but you had kept them. Stingy old man. You think what? Mum gave you those money so that you can save more cuz she is working? I seriously can't tolerate you all for taking advantage of me already. Who do you think I am? A maid? Oh please, I think a maid deserve much more than that for all her efforts man.

Yes, and I honestly hate belonging to this family for not treating me fairly and on top of that give me all those nonsense. And the best part is labelling me as being rude and rebellious even when I am not. I kept quiet and obeyed them for 3-4 years but they never realised it at all. So yea, for that they are hopeless. I gave up being nice to them cuz they don't even appreciate it. On the contrary, they took advantage of me and still made me do more household chores and demand it dont on the spot. Oh wells, I just hate where I am now. Seriously, I shouldn't have come to this world in the first place. ):

I thought of suicide everytime this kinda things happen. I even dreamt of slashing my wrist a few times. I dare not tell anyone, but yea I guess I am really really disappointed at how they treat me already. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan is depressed and wishes to be dead

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Spare Tire

2008-05-15T02:52:00.007+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am hurt. So hurt. ): Crying doesn't help at all. And I will be home alone tomorrow and on Friday and almost everyday after that. It sucks. I hate this feeling. I feel so darn unwanted. Am I a spare tire? Cuz I feel like a spare tire. I hate who I am. Someone please end my miseries. Quick. I wish I were dead.

Somehow, his actions just don't tally with what he says. I don't feel it. I don't feel that I am being loved. No, not these days anymore. All I feel was that I have been putting in lots of effort to make time for him, and arrange my stuff according to his timing but did he even sacrifice for me? No. Everything he did was due to convenience. I think he has just forgotten what I have said. At this rate, I am gonna ask for a break-up soon. Very soon. I have grown tired of how he places his priorities. How he manages his time. It's as though I have got to get accustomed to him instead.

Where has all the sweetness gone to? Don't you think of your gf/ bf before yourself when making decisions which might affect them? I do, no matter how big or small the matter may be. I am a perfectionalist. But he clearly hasn't. All I see is for himself. Has he even thought of me when making decisions about the orientation camp? He clearly hasn't. Has he thought of how I would feel? Nah, I doubt so. He just made the decision cuz he likes it. His friends does it. His friends are there. He hasn't spared a thought for me. And for that, I am hurt due to his insensitivity. His only time available for me is when he has nothing booked for the orientation camp or his friends. He said things would start in July but it now not even near July. On top of that, does he even have to take up such an important role as an assistant Orientation Group Leader? Can't he choose some roles which he could take a day or two off so that he can accompany me or something? Am I asking too much for that?

And talking about trials. Yea so many days for trials eh? Plus you can't get a day or two off trials huh? Don't tell me you're responsible or some other nonsense. I don't accept that nonsense as reason. Yea, you panic when you are late so don't even think of not turning up? Yea I know that would be your reason, but sorry I don't accept that. Especially when you sign up, you didn't think of all these? You didn't know that you would have to prepare for the orientation camp already in May and not only commit in July? That would be common sense, Mr. Cai Yuexuan. Haven't you gone to any camps before? If I didn't remember correctly, you signed up for orientation camp for your CCA and also wanna sign up for the one in CJC which requires you to travel to Malaysia eh? Yea sign up for all you want. Who knows maybe you will be able to meet some nice girls there and fall for that, just like how you fell for Petrina Goh eh? Go for all you want and I will be sure to break-up with you, don't worry. You won't have to worry about having a spare tire following you around. I will initiate the break-up. I have had enough of your nonsense about things. You always do things without thinking of its consequences. Sign up for tonnes of activities for all you want. I gave up on you already.

I asked if I am able to join in for tomorrow's talk but you just merely replied "Don't know." You obviously don't need/ want me to tag along cuz in the past you would always help me check out and stuff, but it no longer is now. You don't even make any efforts. You have your friends so there isn't a need for me to be there to keep you accompanied eh? Fine then, I will just disappear in your life forever. Happy? You can just rely on your friends. Since "a friend in need is a friend indeed." Sounds familiar? I'm sure cuz I got it from your msn nick. I wonder who is your this friend man.

If you happen to read this entry, I'm telling you that I won't want to see you anytime soon too. Sending supper won't do the job and it doesn't help me cool down. So forget about sending supper later too cuz I don't wish to see your face. It pisses me off.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Pissed Off with His Nonsense

2008-05-14T22:24:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I seriously think that he isn't sensitive to my feelings at all. I hate it and I am amazed how insensitive guys can be. I wonder if he purposely forget what is said or he really has a small brain to contain it all. I believe it's the first. Sometimes, I seriously think I got attached to the wrong person. I admit that he hasn't really changed for the better all these while no matter how much I tried to psycho myself into believeing it. Everytime when we quarrel, he would always say to keep a look out in order not to make the same mistake again, but he never forgets to add the word "no promises" at the back of the sentence. Darn. What is that attitude man. I psycho myself so much that he isn't such a selfish person for such a long time, but now I have given up. I think he is afterall that kind of person. He afterall still place himself and his friends above me. I can't stand it anymore. All those words that he said to me doesn't mean anything I guess.

He said his orientation camp starts in July and now he's going back to school almost everyday to attend briefings, talks, trials and whatever not?! On days which he don't have to go back to school, he got gatherings with friends, primary school friends, JC friends, and whatever OG or CCA friends. So the remaining time are those which he has for me eh? Thanks lots. If he wishes to continue being so involved in whatever he's been doing and still place them first, then I seriously think he shouldn't get a girlfriend at all. Cuz it seems to me that his girlfriend is only there for show and to keep him entertained when he is free.

I hate it when I am pissed off with him and yet he has got no idea of it at all. I hate him for not being gentleman at all and the only time which he behaves gentlemanly is when either when his FRIEND reminds him of it or when I remind him of it. On the whole, I think he is just hopeless last time but is still near hopeless now.

~~I seriously think that I need to get a new boyfriend soon. I need to start looking real soon.~~

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Pissed

2008-05-09T17:59:00.006+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I hate to be in this family. Mum is forever picking on me. No matter what I do she will still pick on me. I am getting so darn irritated by her. It's been like this since young. She asked me to pack my desk straight after exam and I did, but she is still UNHAPPY. What the hell la, ask me clear then I clear. When I asked her where to put the paper stuff so that she can sell to garang guni man, but she ignored me. Upon asking again, I got scolded. What the hell man. Asking you where to put is to make sure I won't put at the wrong place so that you won't be unhappy but you scolded me. FUCK. what nonsense is this?!?! I've had enough. You'll pick at everything I do, no matter how good and efficient I am. I am gonna ignore you.

You'll never ever get my respect if you don't even know how to respect me in the first place. Not only that, you don't even appreciate what I've done. So forget it. I hate and dispise this kind of people. How I hope you aren't my mum.

I am so darn hurt and pissed. I wish to escape to a faraway land where people know how to respect, appreciate everyone and really mean it. ~~Sometimes I just wonder if my mum has brain or heart. I doubt she has any.~~ She just play favourite ALL the time.I feel more like a maid at home. No i think a maid gets respected even more than me. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Attitude

2008-04-26T12:30:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I was angry at what nonsense that Mei Jun can come up with yesterday. Astounded at how childish she can be too. What makes her think that I would entertain her whenever she likes and do it on the spot. Another spoilt brat. Now I truely know what kind of a person she is. After the project which she didn't even really put in any effort or have done anything, her impression marks have already dropped till less then 50 and now it's going down further. I doubt I would treasure a friend or worse, Les partner (as she calls it) when the person has made use of you in every way she can when you both are in trouble. She happily push all the dirty work to you, mock you, and then goes out with her sis, mum and bf to enjoy.

Now, she demands me to do whatever she asks for to. Don't comply, and she keep sending threatening sms-es and call using some private number to disturb. Fuc*. I've had enough of it. I put on a front so that you do not know I am darn darn PISSED with her. I shall just ignore her for as much as I can. And sorry I might have to take back my words for attending her ROM, wedding and be her bridesmaid too. If she is clever enough, she should start looking for someone to take over me now.

It all started like this:

She sms-ed me at 10.16am when I was busy asleep. So I only read the sms when I woke up at 10.30am. It writes:

"hey les, dunno can still call u les anot. coz i feel tat ever since the proj we r veri drifted apart. u r stil angry wif me rite? maybe u dun care abt the friendship already. i didnt koe our les-ship can be tat fragile."

I didn't reply her sms.

Followed by, a call at 10.32am using a private number (as the screen showed "unknown"). I was washing the basin after washing my face, so I told bei to check who called and it happened to be "Unknown". There are only 2 possibilities. Either Mei Jun or Wei Jian. I asked bei if it would be WJ, then she said no. Cuz he doesn't have private number anymore. So I concluded it's her! Just like last time when we were doing our project, she used private number to call me so that I would pick up my phone too. How vicious of her.

Just then, Yuexuan called at about 11.04am. He said Mei Jun called him. (What the hell, call yx for what?!) Yuexuan told her that he is sleeping and so she put down the phone.

At 11.39am, she called me again when I was reading the papers and eating Hello Panda. Knowing it's her, I refused to pick it up again. I switch off my hp, changed my clothes and left house in a rush for yx's house at 12nn cuz he kept asking me when I will reach his house (another irritating fellow).

When I was at MacPherson Road, I switched on my hp to check if she called again. To my surprise, she sent 2 sms-es. And this is what it said at 11.41pm:

"hey ger jux reply me wht you feel. even if u dun wan to talk to me treat tis as the last time la."

I can sense that she is a little irritated already. Looking at the next sms sent at 11.52am, it said:

"u dun look like u will not reply my msg wan but y like tat now?"

Frankly speaking, I was beginning to get entertained by her sms-es. Haha! But at the same time, I was irritated by her threatening sms and phone calls. The whole journey to his house I was thinking how to reply her after ignoring her for whole morning. Haha then I replied her that I was on my way to his house and that my hp was in my bag, so I didn't know she sms-ed me. Haha that sounds accpectable what since it always happen to me anyway. (: Then I asked anything that she sms-ed me for.

She replied at 1.00pm:

"the earlier msg lor. u see then u reply what u feel k?"

I read, and went to cook instant noodles, then happily ate it. Checked my hp after lunch and yea there was another sms sent at 1.15pm. It said:

"hey u haven reply me yet"

When I read it, I was angry again. Fuc* you la, who do you think you are? Why should I replied you as you demand it. Why should I entertain you whenever you want and on top of it, do it on the spot. I replied her after lunch and said:

"Erm I went to have lunch la. Not angry with you la."

Once sent, I showed yx her sms-es and she called immediately. I rejected the call cuz I thought yx accidentally dial-ed her cuz my touch pad is too sensitive at times. Then I told yx not to touch the dial-ing button and I scrolled for him. And guess what? She called again. I was like pissed already. Picked up the call and controlled myself so as not to show her I am angry. And guess what she said in the conversation?

Hey you angry with me ar? (How many times must I say or rather bluff that I am not to you?!) To divert it, I ask her what she is doing, then she said watching show (No wonder she can keep calling) and will look through the course pack later. She said she was reading the very very thick course pack and suddenly though of me. (My ass la, what nonsense. What has the thick course pack got to do with me sia?! So that time when I was working hard on the proj you didn't think of me eh? Cuz the proj didn't help you think of me but shopping and enjoying while leaving the job to me to complete all by myself eh? Bullshit.) Then she asked if I have read through the course pack, and all ( I think that was the main motive eh? Track how my revision was. -_-) . And she went back asking 2 or 3 times if I am angry with her and if I am really OK already. (That's how you will feel when you did something really guilty eh? So you have been keeping quiet and acting like nothing happened all these while, thinking that will help me and you forget what happened? Sorry I am not a guy. I am a GIRL and as you know, GIRLS always remember these details. Sorry, you angered and messed with the wrong person.)

And yea that yx was funny la. When I told her I am NOT angry with her and that I am okay, he kept using his both hands to do the quotation mark sign to indicate that I was NOT telling the truth. LOL and he was busy doing that and laughing away. -.- But it was funny la, and I smiled when I was angry. Haha she put down the phone cuz we obviously have nothing to much to talk about (Duh right?). And yea watch Over the Hedge on his cable TV before going to study and dozing off with all those notes. =x

Got home and ate some Hello Panda and instant noodles for dinner again. =x Yea and that was my boring day. =S

Off to hit the notes and hopefully read some readings from coursepack. One more day to exams! Ja mata! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says Good Luck!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Suffocating

2008-04-16T20:45:00.004+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Somehow I am feeling sad and down. Mood swing perhaps? Oh wells I hate this period of the year. Exams always make me gloomy. Ate 2 ice-creams today. One in the afternoon and one after dinner. (: Ice-creams are nice. They never fails to cheer me up. =x Haha makes me sound so easily contented.

Finally finished my MKT1003 Principles of Marketing webcast already. I want and need a break! ): I feel that my stamina is running out soon. One week plus and the BIG paper is coming up. 5 altogether. Sheesh... I wanna go shopping. I feel like I am gonna die without going out for a walk. Suffocating. Uneasy.

At the moment, I can only use chips, tidbits and sweets to ease and numb the suffocating feeling. =/ May the holidays come quickly. Amen. =X

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan pouted

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Betrayed

2008-04-11T20:20:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am still angry witht the fact that Mei Jun used me when I have been so nice to her. ): So this is all I got for being a loyal friend, her so called lesbian partner? I feel like telling on her, so as to expose her act. However, I don't know if the tutor will inform her or question her about what I said and how much she did for the project. If it happens, then she would surely know that I told on her. Sigh I hate dilemmas. I wish I could just get enough courage to walk into the lecturer's room and tell him what are the problemS I faced working with her.

It now don't only concern about my grades for this module, but also for another module too. It's two modules altogether! ): Plus I was deeply hurt in the process. Should I tell? ): I hate dilemmas!! *sobs*

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan was deeply hurt and is frustrated now

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Depressed

2008-03-31T13:13:00.003+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sigh... SC3221 Qualitative Inquiry research paper is giving me such a big headache. It's not the research process which is difficult, but cuz my les isn't putting her efforts. In the end I had to do much more things than her. Her work was just in a mess. ): Disastrous sentence structure, bad literature review blah blah blah... I haven't been able to sleep much these week. Not even on weekends. Average it's only 4 hours per day with no naps in the afternoon or any time of the day. Sigh I swear I will not pair up with her in the future for research papers anymore. She is just getting a free ride. I just don't know what happened to her this semester. She used to be okay when I worked with her plus others in a big group. ):

Last night she sms-ed me saying "Hi les, I think what you have said is correct. Sorry for being so defensive. Good night." Oh wells there is really no use in apologising if you haven't done your part and put in enough effort for the project especially when the deadline is so near. I have already done most of the work and then you tell me sorry? So next time I don't do my work and I tell you sorry? Will that do? ):

Today she suddenly decides to leave school and accompany her mum, sis, and sis' boyfriend for shopping. Leaving me behind to attend the lectures so that she can get the notes from me. This is nonsense la. Though I may not show it in front of her, but I think she really needs to put in more effort. She has already done half the research paper for Lifecourse and Aging and I haven't even start. Why so? Cuz she can save her time and give me hasty work for SC3221 and use the time to do her lifecourse and Aging module while I touch up the project for her. I feel so stressed and cheated.

I hate my life. I feel like I am walking the journey myself. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Feeling Cheated

2008-03-20T13:41:00.008+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

What do you do when he still checks his ex's blog frequently or probably daily? What do you do if he tells you not to look at [[your]] pictures and anything which reminds you of [[you]], while he goes check on his ex's blog so frequently that he knows it once the blog is updated. More so, he puts it on his msn openly, prompting for his ex to contact him, and in such a happy manner! If I didn't ask then you won't have said is it?? How much more did you hide from me?!?! I hate this. Tell me I shouldn't do these and that while you are doing them behind my back? This is it. I won't tolerate anymore. Who do you think I am?!?! A substitute? Heck. Sorry but I no longer want to talk to you. So get lost.

She put in right in front of your face? You think I am stupid is it? Finding some excuses will not help. I have heard enough of your stupid excuses. She just merely wrote on her blog and not SMS you or MSN you. So this is called right in front of your face?! Please la... If you hadn't responded to her, then I won't be that pissed. She was just trying to see if you still care for her and you responded right away, falling right into the trap.

You asked me what will happen if [[you]] come to me one day and tells me that [[you]] like me. Look what happens now huh? More like what will happen if your ex comes back and tell you she still likes you. At least I didn't try to keep in touch with [[you]] which I could have done, but look what you did. Trying to keep in touch with her, find out how she is doing and "deal with the problem". This really is it. I can't stand it any longer. I feel so cheated. I really don't think I have been treated right. So get lost and disppear from my sight. Shoo...

Deeply saddened. Hurt. Who am I to you?! ~~Maybe I am but a soft toy to you.~~ ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried times and again

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Raining Season?

2008-03-13T18:13:00.002+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Rain rain go away, come again another day... ):

It's been raining cats and dogs, donkeys and cows everyday and I really dislike it. Hate it when my feet gets all wet and cold. Hates the feeling that my shoes and feet are all dirty. I hope the rain will stop and the sun will shine again. Miss those warm rays kissing my cheecks and the cool breeze (not cold wind) brushing pass which made my hair goes oh-so-messy. (:

Went Macs@KAP to do project with Mei Jun yesterday. Had to interview students studying there for our Sociology project cuz we are researching why are so many students studying at Macs instead of other places. The research findings were not really what we expected, but oh wells, will have to work on it soon. Ganbatte ne! (:

Finished the research early and accompanied Mei Jun to Tanjong Pagar to look at bridal packages plus look for nice bridal gowns cuz they have got lots of stores there along the road. Didn't feel like going initially cuz it was pouring real heavily and I brought along lots of stuff which I planned to continue with my Political Science essay to be handed in today. But if I didnt go, nobody will accompany her already. Plus I am the only one available then. Ok la, not really available la, cuz I still had to rush my essay. However, I decided to go at last.

Lost our way in the MRT station cuz we didn't know which exit to come out from. LOL and there was no signs writing Amara Hotel. Zzz... Asked this lady and she was so nice. Told us the exact directions in details. Thanks lots!! ^_^

Pop into 6 bridal shops within 2 hours plus. Actually learnt lots of things in the process of tagging along and accompanying her cuz I didn't know there are so many things to look out for and so many processes involved. =S

By 9pm, all the shops were closing already and we went off. Reached hotel Amara at about 9.45pm and she suggested for us to eat at Burger King. Tried out their Fish Burger with honey mustard. Dislike it. Hate the Fishy smell. =x After the meal, we took a train home from Tanjong Pagar. Reached home at 11.20pm. Luckily mum didn't lock me out. Phew~ =D Showered and there I go rushing my report again. (: Oh yea and I didnt managed to shorten the essay to reach about the "approx. 2000 words" as stated. Lol the more I edit, the more points I added. Don't know why I am never satisfied with my work. So yea, still ended up having 3000 words. =X Hope that isn't too much. (:

Alright, time to go do my marketing project now. Gary just sent me things to be completed tomorrow. Ja mata! =D

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Chancing Upon [[your]] Sis' Blog

2008-03-11T17:33:00.005+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

It's been long since I last blogged. Have been real busy with research papers and projects. Some not yet even started. One Political Science Essay to be handed in by Thursday but I will try my best to complete it by tonight. (: Interesting topic, but I can't really find much books related to it in the Central Library cuz the topic is about Singapore's media and its roles and contributions in the past decade. Ganbatte kudasai! (:

Feeling tired, I tried my luck to see if [[your]] sis has been blogging recently (after so long) and I was surprised to see new blog entries. Oh ya and congrats on doing really well for [[your]] JLPT 3! (: Though nothing much written about [[you]], it still brought back much memories. Oh wells, ambiguous feeling which I can't describe myself too. The feeling just doesn't make me feel too good. Sigh...

I miss those days in JC. I miss the life I led then. ):

On another note, congrats to Kaili for finding her sweetest sweet! Meet up session soon! :D After this Political Science essay k? (: Congrats to Meijun for getting engaged at the end of this year too! :) Will accompany you for your fitting of gown, your ROM and wedding too! Am glad you like the place I suggested for your ROM too. :D

Off to rush my essay before the deadline is up and my head rolls. (: Ja mata! Take care friends!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Depressed

2008-01-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Frustrated. I hate school. Everything just attacks me at one shot. I am so stressed up even though it's only the third week of school and only 2 days into the tutorial week. ):

Oh wells, and that Yuexuan had to irritate me when I am already so stressed. Serves him right for irritating me or rather wanting to solve things at the wrong timing, thus pissing me off. There are just some things which I hate and he just can't understand it?! Don't drag me to do anything for your CCA, cuz I really hate it. I am not so free to spend my time there when I don't even get any CCA points. What more, I can't even help myself and you want me to need to help others? Oh wells, whatever it is. I am pissed with you for not knowing me well enough. I am pissed with you for not knowing how to manage your tone of speech too. I am sorry, "Sorry" just don't work on me anymore. Sorry no cure, what is said is said.

Ok if I were given a choice now, I'd prefer single. Being friends with everyone is just so much better at times. At least you control your own matters and not haivng someone restricting you here and there, and also telling you how things ought to be done.

Sat at chair for 3 hours straight from 10pm to 1am just to discuss group project and my butts are hurting like mad. Sickening, must they be in such a hurry? I guess the group will run out of stamina soon, just like the project group which I had the last semester. -.-

Oh wells, am here, back to my depressed and emo state again. Sigh... I just hate myself so much. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Happy Birthday Shingy!

2008-01-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY SHINGY! (:

I miss [[you]]. I admit I still do think of [[you]]. [[You]] still occupy that special place inside my heart. I wish I could still see [[you]] around. ): I still wish to receive sms-es from you too. For don't know what reasons, they just never fail to bring a smile on me. :) Oh wells, maye if I am lucky enough, I might still bump into [[you]] somewhere since Singapore isn't that big. However, I just seemed to bump into everyone except [[you]]. ): Even though I frequent your neighbourhood quite often these few months, but we still haven't met. Sigh... So near yet so far. It's just one condo away but the distance seemed so far. ): Hopefully one day we will meet. =)

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Bei Used Violence on Me

2008-01-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Haven't been feeling very well for the past one week. Sore throat, lots of phlegm, and runny nose. Think I am caught a flu bug. ):

Bei used violence on me today. Hitted, pinched and threw things at me. Plus assaulted me and Yuexuan. I broke down. I don't know how it began. I bet she was too pissed at the words which mum said. Mum asked if she was going out later before leaving the house for Grandpa's and she replied she might. So mum asked her to stay at home and pack her messy desk, but she refused to, saying that Dad had left a monitor on her desk so she can't clean. She could have just shifted the monitor to the ground as it isn't too heavy, thus mum's conclusion is that she is a princess.

Just then, I took out the toaster to toast my bread, then mum asked Bei to eat but she asked for other "better" food. Mum wasn't very happy, so she said "You're getting more and more picky huh? Go out eat all the good food with Weijian then come home always don't wanna eat the things at home, so Hao3 Ming4." And Mum left the house. That leaves us 3 siblings at home.

She was irritated by the words Mum said, so she vented her anger by placing her newspapers on the dinning table, spreading it to my side of the table and leaving me with darn little space. I said nothing, but continue eating knowing that she was pissed. Then, when I went to make ice, I made a remark that nobody makes ice in the family these days and she started targeting me. Claiming that I didn't do ANY housework and all. The fact is, I did. Just that she don't even know cuz she was too busy going out with Weijian all day and coming back very late everytime. "Not seeing it doesn't mean that I didn't do them", I replied. She was even more pissed. She then claims that she did more housework than me. (As if. She is always out with Weijian everyday. Even if her school ends at 1230hr, she will only reach home at night at about 2100hrs plus, so how is it possible that she does housework la. -.-)

I then shifted the newspaper away so that I can trim my fingernails, then she started hitting me so hard without stopping, saying that the cup almost fell. Oh, like you can hit me just for ALMOST dropping a cup?! So absurd la. Full of nonsense and excuses when she wanna hit me. I bet that is a real good reason eh? Mum won't even scold if a cup is dropped accidentally la, so who gave you the right to beat me so hard?!?!

Pissed, I shouted back and she hitted and pinched me even harder. I hitted her back once to warn her to stop, and she gave me back loads and assaulted Yuexuan and I. She went overboard, shouting at me, hitted me, pinched me, kicked me, assaulted me and Yuexuan. After that, she even dared to tell Weijian that I said she is a princess (when it was Mum who said it). So yea whatever Mum said this morning became what I said when she complained to Weijian. Oh yea she is good at manipulating the story to sound as if she is the victim when I clearly was. Even my younger sis couldn't stand her these days. She is real good when it comes to putting a good front to friends, acting like a fine princess and acting like an angel to outsiders.

I cried. The tears just can't stop flowing. I treated her so nicely all these while and yet she asked for even better treatment. I bought so much things she like, pampering her like a princess. She gets almost everything she likes or wants from me and yet this is the kind of treatment I receive from her. I had always not want to admit that she is always taking me for granted but NOW I've seen her through. I've always wanted to prove it wrong that she is taking me for granted by treating her nicer each time, but this is the end of it. I am too sick of it already, spending so much money on her. I treated her better than Yuexuan all these while and yet she didn't even treasure it. Mum was correct that I am too naive and innocent to keep buying expensive stuff for her just because she said she likes it. This will be the end of it. Please remind me not to buy her anymore stuff already. The things which I paid for them are meant to be share, but in the end she claims it as hers and don't even let me use them. I am left with nothing now and yet I didn't complain much. She just don't know her limits.

Pissed at my stupidity. Pissed at me being naive and forever treating her so nicely. Pissed at her for taking me for granted. Pissed at her for forever wanting Yuexuan to treat and saying that he is stingy just because he don't treat her. She just haven't realised how nice others are treating her. I shall just ignore her and see how she is gonna survive on her own. She is just too reliant on others.

I wish I could just disappear from this world forever. Nobody knows how much I have gone through.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Cried

2007-12-05T00:07:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Cried. I forgot how many times I cried today. ): For some reasons, my tears just can't stop flowing. Feeling so so sad and down...

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Darn Project

2007-11-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am so gonna see the doctor if I reach school early tomorrow. Before I see my tutor regarding our group project. The temperature is on and off, the bad headache and sorethroat persisted, muscle aches making my neck all stiff, blocked nose which made me had to breathe, and the rashes reappeared again. ): All uncomfortable but I still managed to complete my part on the project by 5pm. Considering that I changed a new topic and restarted everything from scratch.

Meijun and Meiling went offline after the discussion at 12pm. Meijun said she was going kbox so yea she was excused since her bf is leaving for Brunei tomorrow, but Meiling also said she is going off. Oh well I was initially alright with Meiling going offline, thinking that she too has some commitments since it's Sunday. I was still darn nice to her by telling her that if she need any data from spss just tell me. I will send it to her through nus mail, but she acted as if she didn't need any. The data that she asked me to do was not even sent to her yet and she is saying that she is going off, forgetting about her request a few minutes ago?! And please la, who was the one who messaged at 2am plus in the morning to tell us to go online at 9am? Knowing that I am seriously ill she should at least arranged it after 10am. As if I won't need to rest. Luckily I requested to postpond it to 11am. If not I could have said that I didn't read Meijun's message since Meiling only messaged Meijun and not me. Darn angry.

What made it worse was that I was working like mad starting from 11am without even resting and there she went happily offline to do nothing. Not to mention, she didn't need to start from scratch as we didn't ask her to change her independent variables from the previously done project. Meijun wanted to ask her to compile since she is the lastest to finish (as usual) but I strongly objected. If we do so, it would turn out to be like the previous submitted project, dragging it till 3am before she goes to bed while I had to stay up and print the neverending pages till around 4. The worst part was that her compilation was just a mere cut and paste of everyone's part and it didn't even flow at all, so I had to edit it before printing too. Sheesh... So yea Meijun gave her a deadline at 6pm cuz we have to present the project to tutor and check through.

Oh wells, I thought everything will be fine and that Meiling has learnt her lesson from the last project, but I was proved wrong at 6pm plus. She happily told me to send her some data which she needed when she could have told me earlier so that she can complete her part faster. I had to recode raw data, do linear regression and crosstabulation so it would take some time. Guess what? She happily asked me if I had sent her the data after one minute cuz she has already exceeded Meijun's deadline at 6pm. I was like hello, can't you tell me earlier if you need them. Haven't I already told you earlier that you can sms me and I'll do it on the spot, then send it to your email since you said your msn wasn't working. But you didn't sms me at all till it was after the deadline set by Meijun. Still got the cheek to hurry me. -.-

After that, I siam-ed to go eat dinner and showered. When I am back, I received quite a number of sms. One from Meiling and 3 from Yuexuan. Checked Meiling's first and she told me to inform her when I am online. Checked Yuexuan's 3 messages. He said he is going down to the hospital cuz his grandma is in critical condition and they are waiting for all relatives to be present to see her for the last time before removing the life support system. ): Messaged Yuexuan to check how he is doing first then smsed Meiling to inform her as requested. No reply from her after 15 mintues. Pissed, I called her and it took her darn long to pick up the phone call. Her background noise was so loud that it didn't sound like at home. Asked her if she received my sms, she still asked me what message. Totally pissed off, but acted calmly, she told me that she need some time as her comp is giving her problems plus she is not sure if her msn is working.

Waited and waited for half an hour plus, she still didn't appear online. Darn. Just then received an sms from her saying, "gal... I am still unable to go msn... now going to send my part... help me see k..." Fine. So I waited for another half an hour and I still didn't received anything. Thanks eh? I just replied,"You haven't sent eh?" and her reply was "attaching file now... my comp got prob so very slow...paiseh..." There goes me waiting for her again. -.- After 6 whole minutes, she finally completed attaching her file. Tell me which computer takes so long to attach a file? Even the darn slow and laggy comp in my house don't take that long man. -.- What more she just repaired her comp about a weeks ago. Darn. Sometimes I just can't help but to think that all she gave were just unbelievable excuses. I really regret doing this project with her as this is the most screwed up project I have ever done.

Alright, enough of my grumbling. Shall go to bed now. Need to be in school early before 10am so as to see doctor before the project. Nights and bye.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].

I love [[you]].

Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."

- 天堂的阶梯

Flu Bug + High Fever + Swollen Eyes + Rashes

2007-11-17T16:19:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Fell real sick since yesterday. Caught a flu bug, high fever, sore throat, and all the nonsense plus swollen eyes and rashes. Gosh haven't been so sick before. ): Went home early after eating out at Kenny Rogers at Suntec yesterday cuz it was Yuexuan's Birthday. The panadols just didn't work for me cuz my fever was just too high. Wanted to stay longer since it was his birthday but was feeling dizzy and darn uncomfortable. Sorry for spoiling your Birthday. ):

Cabbed home and felt like vomitting in the cab. ): Thanks lots for sending me home before you headed home by bus. (: Showered and headed to dreamland. Had some trouble falling asleep though. Woke up at 1am to see sisters still not on their beds. Had real trouble seeing if they are already on their beds cuz my eyes were swollen badly. Think it was the cup of water which I drank before I headed to bed. Normally it will be alright, but think my body just couldn't take it last night. ): Yea and I was itching all over cuz of the rashes which had started when I sleep. Blocked nose and runny nose just had to make it worse. Sigh...

Anyhow, just realised this morning that I have to redo my group project again as it didn't meet some of the criterias of the project. Due on Monday. Darn so little time to complete the project from stratch. ): My group members don't really seem to care too. All still going out. This is bad. I don't wish to fail any modules. ):

Sheesh... This is the worst semester ever. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Meet-the-Parents Session?

2007-11-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Yuexuan waited for me till I ended school at 2pm. Arranged for Enz to go study at his place too, but she changed her mind at last. Sorry gal, for not studying with you today. Next time yea? (: Took a bus to Science Fac and then change a bus to his house. (:

Was told that his Mum is out cuz he brought her Grandma to NUH for check-up and will only be back at around 5.30pm. He studied till 3.45pm and then went to take a nap cuz he wasn't feeling well while I continue to study at the dining area. Offered to wake him up at 4.15pm, but Terrence did me a favour by calling him at 4.15pm asking him for a run. Yuexuan rejected saying that he has someone at his place and then went back to sleep. Zzz... Went to his room to wake the lazy bum up cuz he still has lots to study for! :)

Just as it was 5.30pm, I asked him, "Should I leave now?" "Nah it's too late la..." Just as he finished his sentence, his Mum came home. =S His Mum was a little shocked but rather friendly. (: Idiot just kept laughing. Still dare to tease me that his Mum's timing is darn accurate. Feel like stranggling him, but his Mum is around. Lucky him.

Haha no use leaving when his Mum is already home, so I stayed back till it's time for him to leave his house for See Chai's Birthday party at Dempsey Hill. (: Thinking that he will make it on time to meet at Clemanti at 7.15pm, he only went to shower at 6.15pm. His Dad was early and came home just as we were about to leave at 6.40pm. I could tell that his face was kinda shocked to see me. =/ I guess it became "meet-the-parents session" today eh? =S He ended up late cuz he showered late, and on top of that, the bus just wouldn't come. He had no choice but to flag for a cab despite me stopping him. ): I felt bad cuz if I ain't there, Terrence could have picked him up at his house since Terrence stays only at Summerhill just right across the street.

Taxi fare to Clemanti MRT station costed about 8 bucks cuz there was a 2 bucks peak hour surcharge. Sorry my dear boy boy... ): Accompanied him to withdraw money at Clemanti. He stayed outside Macs to meet his CJ classmates while I walked over to the side where we alighted from the cab and headed home. :) Thanks and enjoy yourself at Harry's Bar@Dempsey Hill! (:

Off to study for my Midterm paper this coming Friday! Oyasumi! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Jiaying's Birthday!

2007-10-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Happy Birthday to Jiaying!! ^_^ Love you girl! (:

Heh fianlly got to change to a more decent phone. At least now I can type my messages without looking at a blank screen cuz my dear Daddy brought back this secondhand Blackberry 7290 from his office just for me! Whee~ Now I can get to use a sophisticated phone for the moment. It's not exactly user friendly, but I still like it. (: Much better than my Nokia 6111 in its almost dead condition. =x

Met Jiaying on the way to school. She boareded the bus at opposite Saint Andrews House. (: Decided to meet her after her paper at 1.15pm. Went to the bizaar at Central Forum after my lessons at 12nn. Bought a pretty straw bag at 9 bucks and 2 seamless Sloggi panties at 2 for 30 bucks. (: Afraid of being late, I rushed down to SIM to wait for Jiaying. (: Waited for half an hour, but luckily there were seats at the bus stop. Hehehx. Went to eat at Potong Pasir Macs while waiting for Mun Wei and Beng San with my notes. (: Took a cab down to my house. I showered and while waiting for me, they played Maple Story. Hehehx left for town at 5pm. Went to shop around before eating dinner at Swensen's. =) Xiao Bing joined in for dinner too. (:

I am really really glad to see Beng San today. Haven't seen him for a long time, and I really miss him lots. And yea I am amazed that he still understands me so well. Thanks everyone for today! Hehehx anyway, hope I can see my Cj classmates more frequent...

Anyway off to get some rest. Oyasumi! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says goodnight!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Pissed

2007-10-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

It hurts. I never thought it will hurt so much. Maybe I shouldn't think so much and be bothered anymore. I don't know why guys will just take words literally. You should know how I really feel. I didn't expect that you will take it as it's alright when I said "Nah nevermind." It hurts when you break a promise or didn't do the things that you said you will. I was only informed at the last minute that you won't be turning up. I don't care how late it is, but you should have told me you aren't coming when you were going to bed and not at the last minute, messaging me at 10am plus when we are supposed to meet at 10am.

What still? You asked asked me to bring your shirt which I bought for you. On top of that, I helped you to get the pen which you have been long searching for today. So this is what I deserve? Bet you didn't know that I chose not to reply your message and also not to answer your phone call. I had purposely left it(handphone) in my bag. Anyway, you gave me one missed call only, so what is the big deal. -.- "My phone is spoilt" is just an excuse of not messaging you back, though it is true that my phone is dying. Kept giving me white blank screen when I scroll it open, but I could still find some other methods to conquer that problem. I could still reply messages if I am willing to take the extra trouble, but I didn't. Oh wells, "overly disappointed" are the only words that I can think of to describe my feelings.

I hate to get unfairly treated or broken promises at the last minute. Not as if this is the first time. Yea I accepted it the last time, but not today. Just hate it. Thanks for pissing me off. I am afraid "Sorry" won't help. ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan cried herself to sleep

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

A Pleasant Surprise

2007-10-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Left for school at 7.45am today. Was supposed to meet Yuexuan at engine block to study at 9am, but I was a little late. Reached there, I sat down and started taking out my pencil case and file. Just when I started to read a little of the case study for tomorrow's business module, he told me to go fill his water bottle. Zzz... I told him I don't know where the water cooler is, but he still made me fill his bottle up, telling to just walk straight and I will see it. When I finised filling up his bottle and handed it back to him, I still made this remark jokingly, "Eh you think I am your maid ar? Luckily I didn't go to the toilet and fill up your bottle." Haha then I left for the toilet.

Didn't sense anything, I sat down beside him and he just looked at me like what he usually does. Haha I gave him the "What? Why-are-you-looking-at-me" look. As usual. Lol! He just turned back to read his econs textbook. Just then, I saw this wierd ring thing on the zip on my pencil case. Was thinking since when I attached another keychain there. Opened the zip and I saw this heart shaped transparent keychain. On it was a carved angel and words saying "My Heart Belongs To You!" Haha... How mushy. It was really sweet of him to remember that I needed a keychain. (: Was out shopping with him and Bei at Bukit Batok Plaza after collecting my contact lenses and I told him I needed to look for a keychain cuz my keys are always dropping out. Hehehx. Purposely kept looking at the keychain and I guessed he must have felt paiseh, so he said, "Eh don't see already la." Lol! I am evil. =D Now I know why he made me go to school so early. Even called me in the morning just to make sure that I did wake up. He sure has his motives...

Yuexuan left for his lesson at 10am and I was left alone to study for an hour before he comes back. Went for lunch at 11am with Mingli and Christian at Arts canteen. Pig liver's mee sua! But today's mee sua wasn't nice. ): Went for Psychology lecture without waving bye to Yuexuan cuz I didn't want Mingli to ask anything though I guess she must have guessed something la. That idiot, being a little boy boy still sms-ed me when I was having lecture saying that I didn't even wave to him. Zzz... Not as if we are not meeting after Psychology lor, no need to say bye la. Hahaha!

He called me after my lessons, but I was in the toilet near the Deck (Arts canteen). Walked down the stairs and I realised I have a missed call from him. Then I saw Jian Cong and Bernard at the bottom of the stairs, just walking past so I guessed that he must be near. Lol wanted to scare him from behind and I saw him busy looking at his phone wanting to call me again! Lol!! It's just funny to see him being lost and blur. =x Oops I find happiness in seeing him being lost. Wahaha... I admit I am oh-so-evil. =/

Went to Amily's (Yuexuan's OG friend) house to play with her dogs. Jian Cong helped her repair her guitar while we sat and play till around 3.30pm. Her dogs seemed scary initially cuz they started barking loudly even before we entered and one even ran all the way down to smell and lick us. =S I was darn scared cuz it licked my feet plus I was wearing denim skirt la. It would be much better if I was wearing jeans today, but the jeans just had to be undry. -.- So yea, have got no choice and Mum sorta made me to wear skirt too. Haha but her dogs were quite friendly. Allowed me to stroke it and yea one of the dogs particularly love Yuexuan kept going to him. Haha! So cute. (: left for home after that. Hehehx.

Thanks so much for the pleasant surprise this morning. It's really sweet of you. =) Anyway off to do some readings. Ja mata! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

More than Thankful!

2007-10-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Woke up reluctantly in the morning as Bei wanted to go down to Wei Jian's Auntie's saloon to rebond her hair. Still thought that she's gonna go NUS to study first before rebonding her hair. Reached there at around 12nn. There was little space in his auntie's saloon so in order not to scare her customers away, Wei Jian and I decided to leave the saloon. He suggested that I go to his house and wait, but I didn't want to cuz his parents are at home and I feel kinda weird. =/ Decided to go NUS and study instead thinking that Yue Xuan and Lee Xian would be in school. It turned out not to be. ):

Called Yue Xuan under Wei Jian's block and he said that he's at home. Yue Xuan asked me where I am at and I told him that I am at Bouna Vista and I will be going to school to study, so he decided straightaway that he would come down and accompany me. He rushed down within an hour upon receiving my call. I was really so touched. I almost cried upon seeing him. This is the first time someone has been so nice to me man. (:

Studyed with him in school till 6pm, then we went to Wei Jian's house to join them for dinner. (: Went to eat pizza near Wei Jian's house. Hehehx went for a short walk after dinner to help digestion. Left for home after that. =)

Thanks so much for being by my side when I needed you. No words can describe how thankful I really am today to have you by my side. Thanks lots once again! (: Love you.

Off to get a rest! Ja mata ne. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says goodnight!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Studying Session at King Albert Park

2007-10-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Yay!! finally the long awaited weekend is here again! ^_^ Woke up at 10am, showered and went down the King Albert Park Macs to study with Bei, Wei Jian and Yue Xuan. Reached there at 12.30pm and ate lunch with Bei and Yue Xuan first. (: Wei Jian reached later as he had to send his Dad somewhere else first. Yong Hua took a cab down to join us at 3pm cuz his cell group meeting was cancelled. =) Whee! Finally got to study with my Daddy Yong Hua!! Hehehx really miss his nonsense lots man. Thanks so much for joining us!

Went Bukit Timah Plaza to eat dinner only at 9pm plus. =x Hehehx reached home only at 11pm. Am glad that I am almost complete with my explaination of fertility trend for SC3209 project.

Tired but happy. Thanks so much everyone for everything! Thanks for making me a happy girl and also thanks so much for making me feel loved again. (: Off I go to continue with my SC3209 project. Oyasumi! Ja mata ne. =)

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

An Enjoyable Day Out

2007-10-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Have been going through lots of ups and downs recently. Oh wells, I really hope everything will turn out fine in the end. Nothing is confirm now still. Talked to him last night again about serious matters. I still feel very insecure and I told him frankly about it. It's as if he would leave me anytime. I know he still needs time. So I am just giving him more time. My heart sang as he told me the truth. He can't deny that he still thinks of his ex when he is emo, though the number of times which he thinks of her is decreasing as I am around to listen to him. Yea, his heart still sees the possiblility that either he goes back to his girlfriend or his girlfriend coming back to him though he knows that it's logically impossible and also, he won't want to get back. He told me that's why he thinks that he isn't really ready for a new relationship. All I can do is wait, I guess. Wait for him to tidy up his emotions. My heart sank upon hearing those words. He said his heart felt like it's tearing apart when he told me those words, but that's just the facts I guess. Maybe I should just be thankful that he was frank with me?

Went Vivo to watch movie with Sam, Rajiv, Bei, Wei Jian and him today. (: Took lunch at Carl's Jr. first before shopping around. Haha he sorta wanted to hold my hand but didn't dare to. Just held a few of my fingers and then released. So yea we didn't really hold hands la. Yea and I don't remember him trying to hold my hand when we were entering the cinema. Anyway, he removed the arm rest and held my hand when the movie started. Erm we held hands for the whole movie. Okay, things don't sound really right, but I don't know too. I told myself not to fall too deep for him cuz our relationship is still quite ambiguous, but the thing is, we are doing what couples are doing just that we are not officially together. So basically, we are a partially stable couple unofficially together. =/ He left for Marina Square after the movie cuz it's one of his OG mate's birthday. We shopped for a while before Sam and Rajiv went off.

Wei Jian then brought us to Labrador Park for some romantic atmosphere and off we went to Ikea for dinner. My second time there and first time trying their meatballs. (: Delicious dinner! Thanks Wei Jian!! =D Got home at 10pm plus. Had an enjoyable day out. Thanks so much everyone for making my day! (:

Tired after a long day out. Ja mata ne. Oyasuminasai! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

PL1101E Mid-Term Paper

2007-10-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

PL1101E Mid-term paper today is such a killer man. 6 different sets of questions, don't even think of cheating. There's no use sitting next to someone you know too cuz nobody will be able to help you. Muahaha! 100 MCQ questions in a short period of 1 hour (Hell, that is less than one minute per question!) and there is still negative marking!! Sheesh... This is just beating the impossible. Am just so dead this time round. =x

Have been quite sick for the whole of the 1 week break and am still recovering. Anyway, off to do my stuff already. Just too much to handle these few days. Paper after papers. =/ All the best to those taking Mid-term Exams too! (: Ja mata ne.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Sleep My Troubles Away

2007-09-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Couldn't concentrate even during SC3209. What used to be my favourite has became something so boring. Couldn't even answer the question A/P Pauline asked. ): Feeling down. Went home after that for lunch and I slept my whole afternoon away. Did it for almost the whole week, hoping that my troubles would disappear too. =x Woke up only to take a shower at 6.30pm and then it was dinner after that. Just couldn't concentrate since that incident happened. I tried not to be bothered by it, but it's kinda impossible to not to remember anything.

I can't deny that I really miss you. Only if I can tell you how much I miss you. But it's kinda impossible. I've left, but I left my heart behind. ):

and now i feel like breaking down and cry.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

I'll Just Leave. Silently.

2007-09-18T17:03:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Rushed back after school at 2pm to complete editing my response paper before the deadline for submittion at 5pm. Got home at 3pm and finished lunch at 3.20pm. (: Did quite alot of admendments and finally it was completed at 4.45pm. (: Uploaded it and now I feel that my shoulders are much lighter already. ^_^

Thanks to all who talked to me when I am down. (:

I'm sorry. If I didn't fall for you, things would have been much easier now. ):
I'll just leave. Silently. I'll be alright. Eventually.

Off to do my work already. Lots to catch up with. Ja mata ne.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Break Down

2007-09-17T16:59:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

It hasn't been easy. The weekend was more than a torment. I was strong, till he kept apologising. I really couldn't take it any longer. All that's built up inside me. Broke down crying again. No matter how much I told myself that if I were him, I would make the same decisions too, but it still hurts. He tried talking to me, but I hesitated for a very long while before replying. Sorry but I have ran out of ideas how to care for you already. I know if I still show my concern, at least one of us will get hurt in the process. I am so sorry for that. *sobs*

Your never ending apologises just made me weaker and weaker, and I hate that. ): Hence I told you to say sorry no more. I didn't meant to be harsh, and am so so sorry if I sounded that way. I finally broke down last night. Twice in a week. Sad. I guess I am under too much pressure lately.

Anyway, a note to those who don't know me well: You don't see me cry doesn't mean I didn't cry. Also, even if I really didn't cry, that doesn't mean that I am alright too. Don't provoke me or you will regret it.

I wish I don't always have to fake a strong front. I'll be strong. At least on the surface. But I am really far from alright deep down inside.

Anyway, off to do my response paper already. Giving lunch a miss today. Not hungry at all. Lost of appetite yet again. Yes, I know my body is in a darn bad shape, but do I look like I can be bothered about it at this time? Ja mata.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Good Things Never Lasts

2007-09-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Sometimes I wish that I don't have such a big ego. I wish I don't always have to fake a strong front. Oh wells, good things never last. Don't you all agree? I promise I'll be fine. I will... Eventually.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Long Bus Ride

2007-09-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Slept at 2am and woke up at 5.45am this morning. Printer went haywire thus explaining why I turned in so late and yet still can't get anything done. Reached school at 8.30am when I am supposed to meet Yue Xuan at 8am. Heavy traffic jam at SJI area, Bukit Timah area and also Clementi. Haha sorry sorry for being late. =/

Studied till 10am before Yue Xuan went for his lesson. He came back at 11am to look for me with his friend and we walked to Arts Canteen for lunch. He ate pig liver mee sua while I only ate one curry puff. After that, I went off for my Psychology Lecture. (: Slept for half a lecture and was only awake for the second half. Lol.

Met Han Wen and Xin Tian at the linkway. Chatted and waited for Xin Tian till it's time for her next lesson before going to the library to study with Han Wen. Reached there and realise that there aren't enough seats for all of us cuz one more of his friends were behind us. So yea Han Wen and I shifted to some tables nearby to study. (: Joined him only at 4pm cuz his friends are all leaving and Han Wen has to leave for her lesson too. Heh spotted some mistakes in his Physics Forces online tutorial and corrected him. Haha can't believe that I can still remember the Physics stuff after not using them for such a long time. =)

Studied till 6pm before we left for home. (: He accompanied me to take bus no. 151 till Bukit Timah where he changed bus from there. I slept soon after, and when I wake up, I can't recognise where I am already. Lol. Overslept. =/ It brought me all the way to Hougang interchange. There, I called home to ask if bus no. 80 or 151 is faster and Mummy said bus no. 80. So yea, hopped onto bus 80 outside the interchage. Was praying hard that it won't be in the wrong direction, and guess what? It was. Sheesh... I got brought all the way to Sengkang interchange! Lol. Oh man I am a real idiot. =/ Had to take bus number 80 at the interchange again. Alighted at Paya Lebar Police Station and changed another bus in. Argh... What a long and tiring ride home. Left at 6pm and only got home at 9pm plus. Took 3 plus hours man. =S

Oh ya and not to mention, met Sandra on the bus when I was taking bus no. 80 back from Sengkang interchange. Haha she must be laughing like mad at my blurness. =/ Told Yue Xuan about my "exciting" 3 hours plus bus ride and he was laughing la. He said I broke lots of records already. First it's getting lost in the MRT station, and now it's oversleeping on the bus and still changed the wrong bus. Zzz... Oh wells, I doubt anyone can challenge me when it comes to blurness already. Haha...

Anyway, didn't eat much for today too. Breakfast was just a slice of bread at 6am; lunch was a curry puff at 11am and dinner was just a small bowl of Cheng Teng cuz I was having bad gastric pain. =x Haha I think my weight is about 50kg now. 2 days ago it was only 51kg. =x

Talked to Yue Xuan regarding lots of things just now. Almost everything. Feeling much better now. Finally, I sorta found my way around things. Am feeling much more secure now. =) Thanks so much for everything! (:

Alright, off to pack my bag and go to dreamland. Tsukaremashita ne. Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Insomnia. Lost of Appetite

2007-09-10T01:04:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh wells, haven't been feeling very well these few days. Insomnia plus lost of appetite really suck. Why did I land myself in this position? Maybe I shouldn't have done the things which I did last time. Then I might have been much happier now, but the timing then was all wrong. Really wrong. So yea... Confused by everything. I have got no idea what he is thinking too. Never would I have expected that I would cry for something like this.

Yes, yes. I agree that I often think too much and I constantly blame myself for things that are happening around me. I guess that is one of my biggest flaws too. That's why I am constantly down most of the time. Sigh. I am trained to be independent. Maybe too independent for a girl of my age. Probably cuz I am the eldest among my siblings, I was forced to be like this. Oh wells, just kept things to myself and then blame myself for everything. Maybe I am too much of a perfectionalist, and I have too big of an ego. ): Plus I will only try something if I think that I have about 70% confidence of doing it well. Sigh.

Anyway, felt a little better after talking things out with him already. Over msn I meant, when I was supposed to be studying or doing work at Geylang East Macs just now. =x Told him the truth about everything. Yea la, he told me he needs time too, though he may seem cheerful and all. He understood what I was trying to put across too. So yea, relieved on one side but still worry on the other. Just a mess in my head basically. Hopefully I can sleep better later...

Off to study a little more before turning in. Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Ratatouille!

2007-09-09T12:41:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went to watch Ratatouille with Yue Xuan, Mingli and their OG at The Grand Cathay yesterday. (: Cute and funny movie. Love it. Mingli and some went off after the movie. The rest of us went SMU after that to play this stacking game and have a cup of tea. He paid for my ice tea. Thanks thanks. (: Walked all the way to Esplanade library to study later and left for City Hall MRT station at 7.15pm.

He waited together with me for Bei, Sam and Rajiv till we went off. Felt guilty for causing him to be late for meeting for his JC classmates. They left without him, on top of that he was also very hungry cuz he didn't take his lunch too. Sorry but thanks lots. Really appreciated that. (: Hope you get well real soon too!

Lots kept asking about the relationship between the both of us. We are friends. Friends for the moment at least.

Will you please help me overcome my phobia??
That is if you can still remember what I said the other day...

Took a train to Bouna Vista to attend Wei Jian's grandma's wake. Didn't eat cuz I wasn't feeling well. Survived on one meal a day. =x Stay and chatted till 11pm plus before leaving. Wei Jian drove us home. Thanks so much, chauffeur! Reached home at 12am plus and Mummy nagged yet again. Oh wells, who cares. =x

Did some readings till 4am before turning in. Yu Lung talked to me again on msn. Asked me if I am free next weekend cuz he wants to have a meal with me. He should have expected that my answer is a "No" lor. Haha yea Yue Xuan was correct that he would keep asking. Blehxz. Sad to say, not my type la.

Haven't been able to sleep well for a few nights already. Slept only about 2 hours from 8am to 10am. Lots of things running through my head. Insomnia. Argh... Mummy says I've got very bad panda eyes! Sheesh... This is real bad. ): Now I belong to the zoo. =x No appetite to eat today again something's really wrong with me. ):

Should be going off to do my readings already. Ja mata ne! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

NTU Computer Engineering Dinner and Dance

2007-09-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

NTU Computer Engine Dinner and Dance was not bad. Quite entertaining most of the time too. The humorous skid was just so unexpected. I am glad that I had made time to go for it. Yup and thanks Yue Xuan for accompanying me too. (: Anyway, many gorgeous ladies and Sam is just oh-so-pretty! ^_^ Too bad that we couldn't sit together with Yong Hua and those who I know better cuz we were late. =/ Still, I enjoyed myself. (: Won 8th prize at the lucky draw. 50 bucks Metro voucher. Yay number 62 rocks. Chose that number on purpose as it's the opposite of 26, my lucky number.

Hehehx thanks Wei Jian for chauffeuring us around! Thanks for dropping Yue Xuan off after everything and now I finally know where Summerhill is. The world is so small man, Yue Xuan just happen to stay beside Summerhill.

Anyway, gonna read my Biz readings already. Going out to catch Ratatouille with Mingli, Yue Xuan and their OG tomorrow. (: Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Suffocated

2007-09-02T23:28:00.001+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I feel suffocated. I feel stressed. I feel lonely. GEK1047 is keeping me so darn busy that I don't think I can manage. ): Have been having mood swings for the whole week. Nah, it's not PMS. Oh wells, I think I am going insane at this rate. Too tired. Too many things for me to juggle. Already 4 people pissed me off this week. I get pissed so easily. Sigh... I need to find a place where I can breathe again. I wish I could cry all my troubles out loud.

I am really more complicated than you think I am... ):

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Probability and Statistics Tution

2007-08-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went NUS with Bei cuz I need to tutor Wei Jian for his Probability and Statistics yesterday. Taught till about 8pm before going Munchie Monkey to eat pasta and some dessert. However the brownie and waffles we ordered were no longer offered. Think we were too late. Haha shared a slice of chocolate banana cake instead. (:

Wei Jian went home to get car after dinner and we all went Cineleisure after that to meet Liting, Yong Hua and Paul. They played pool while I watched. Hehehx cuz I can't play for nuts. Don't even know how to hold the cue stick and place my fingers. =x Haha afraid to paiseh myself in front others too. =/ Okay, maybe Liting asked me the wrong question at the wrong timing. Paul, Liting and I were sitting in a row when she started asking if I have a boyfriend. -.- I just shook my head. Then she said,"Oh why? Those who chase after you are not your type is it?" I just merely smiled. (: Next, she asked,"So do you go for character or appearance?" My reply was sorta short,"Erm, character." She then went further in asking which is my type? The very guai, beng, sporty... "Haha I don't know..." She was clever enough to ask me to pick one from the whole pool room and see which is my type. *Faints* Dumbfounded.

I was sure that Bei would say something like matured, guai type so I asked Liting to ask Bei. But Bei told that from the whole room, I would pick the guy sitting right next to her! Argh... Knowing Liting's mouth, I knew at once that I will get into trouble very soon. Grrr... I was proven right. Liting told Paul straightaway. Even offered to change seats with me so that I can sit next to him. Sheesh... I was darn paiseh. The whole thing just kept going on for the whole night and I felt really awkward. Was even made to sit in the car with him on the way home. All thanks to Bei's sabotage. -.- Ok now that Paul and Liting also know, I am so dead. I better stay away from them. Stay far far away. =/

I am too afraid to get into a relationship. I have a phobia for it. Thus, all I can do is to watch the one I like from afar, and maybe do something small for them without them realising it? I am already contented by that. Am I weird? I think I am. ): Maybe cuz getting into a relationship is a big decision for me, and I don't wish to make any decisions, so I would rather not get into one. Too afraid to make any mistakes in my decisions already. Oh wells... Dilemmas. I hate dilemmas. =x

Wanted to go for a swim later. However, due to some reasons, I always don't get to do what I wanna do. Why do I always have to follow others' timetable? Why do I not have a life. I hate it. I am so nice to others while they only take me for granted. Their time is only available for a specific person. A simple request of going swimming with me is just out of the question. Don't even have to dream of it. ): Off to do some work already. The business module, GEK1047 has got lots to read and prepare. Ja mata!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Can't Sleep

2007-08-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Feeling down. Very down. Feeling quite affected by what others are saying. I put up a front so that nobody can see how I am feeling deep down beneath. I think deep and quiet. Being a joker was to cover my real feelings. I am just too afraid to face my weak self. I sob quietly and alone so that nobody sees how weak I really am. I am complicated. So complicated that I can't even understand myself.

Please don't tell me that [[you]] have forgotten what I promised [[you]]. I have been thinking too much this few days. Haven't been able to sleep well. ):

I don't understand why I have been going to NTU so often. Maybe I was just feeling too lonely in NUS. Maybe I just wanna be around someone I know better. Maybe I just wish to be closer to [[you]] in terms of distance. Help me figure out what is the real reason please. Just wish to forget everything that's bothering me. I wish crying would help, but it really don't. ):

Lily called me yesterday to go back ESH and help out cuz Siraaj has left too. I received another call today too. Sigh. I just don't wish to go back there and work after school reopen. I need to do my tutorials and revise too.

Yu Lung is yet another problem. He tries to be nice to me but I am really not worth it. Haven't I made it clear that I am still waiting for the first bus, which is [[you]] to come back? I said that I will not board the second bus which comes my way, so please don't treat me nice. ): Everything is making me so stressed and down. Please don't put anymore weighs on my shoulder cuz I am already on the verge of breaking. ):

Bought a pink Nike sports bra at Jurong Point for about 50 bucks after lessons at NTU today. I guess that is the only way I could cheer myself up a little.

Having rashes now. Meeting Yong Hua at Geylang East Macs with Bei later. Was asked to accompany him for dinner cuz he hasn't taken his.

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Failed Manual Registration

2007-08-23T21:02:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

SC3209 lecture was a boring one. Still prefer A/P Pauline to teach Sociology of Family. That one is much more interesting. Hmm statistics, numbers and graphs for SC3209. Something which I really love in JC. Somehow I seem to forget quite alot after 2 years already. How could I forget man. ):

Went for manual registration for tutorial, but the tutor is out for lunch. Went Central Forum instead. Saw Enz and people were all busy folding paper cranes for charity. Joined in since I also had to wait for Justin, the SC2213 tutor to return from his lunch break. Yup, and it's an event sponsored by Song He rice where every crane we fold, they will donate 55 cents to charity. Folded for an hour and everyone managed to break last year's record of 9000+ cranes in an hour. This year we folded 10, 000+ cranes. Whee~! After that, we broke another record, that is the most number of people eating ice-cream at a time. Haha well, I didn't finish the ice-cream (many didn't too) as it's the Japanese wasabi flavoured one. Tasted weird. Haha threw them away after that. =/ If it was last year's Milo drinking, then it would be better. (:

Went back for manual registration at Justin's room at 1.30pm, but I was too late. There were already 27 people in that class. 2 more person had chosen that slot before me and the class has reached exceeded it's maximum intake of 25. ): Sad. The only slot that I could take was only left with Wednesdays, 4pm to 6pm. Which means that I will have to stay back and rot for 4 long hours before I can attend another lesson. Sheesh... It totally messed up my timetable. Still thought I can go home early everyday this semester. *Disappointed* ): It also means, no more running over to NTU to join Bei for the Forensic Science lectures so often. Can only go over every alternate weeks. Shouldn't have gone for the crane folding and also the ice-cream eating charity thing. =/ All I've learnt today is: It doesn't pay to do charity and help others cuz when you really need help, nobody will help you. Haha just kidding.

Oh wells, went home after that. Hot and humid day. Bumped into Shimon at the bus stop again. I guess this world is really small and I do bump into him very often in school. Ate just one peanut cake before going for a nap till 7pm. Sorry Mum that I overslept and forgot to help you wash the vegetables for dinner as instructed. =x

Off to do some reading. The Organisational Culture and Power module really has got lots of things to do and read. Can even sense the stress now. =/ Ganbarimasu yo. Ja mata. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Can't Secure Tutorial Slot

2007-08-21T18:36:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Am glad that the Sandra-Jeremy thingy is alright already. (: 2nd time balloting for SC2213 Childhood and Youth isn't successful too. Now I have no tutorials allocated for that module. All the tutorial slots which I have chosen have no more vacancies and 2 others clashes with my SC3209 Data Analysis in Social Research. =/ Sigh, need to go for manual registration. ): Just sent an online appeal, hopefully I can get the tutorial slot which I wanted. (:

PL1101E Introduction to Psychology today was alright. Apart from being boring at times, the information presented was too much for my tiny little brain to remember all. Haha but I learnt quite a lot. (: Went home straight after that to rest. Am glad that there's more time for me to slack this semester. No more neverending Japanese tutorials and test and whatever not to prepare for this semester. Hehehx and there's still time for me to read books to relax. Yay! ^_^ Am enjoying reading Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus written by John Gray. Very interesting and enriching! =)

Anyway, off to read my book and relax a little. GEK1047 Organisational Culture and Power sectional teaching lesson tomorrow. Straight 3 hours. Hope I can find the classroom at the School of Business, and also pray that I won't fall asleep too. =/ Dewa mata ne. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

At a Lost of Words When I Finally Meet [[you]]

2007-08-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Logged off the computer in Central Library and I saw Doris, so we chatted abit. Turned back and I saw Shimon Poh. Left the Library with Mei Jun to get our textbooks and when we are on our way out, I saw Marcus behind us. What a day is it man, seeing 2 of those I had a crush on in one shot. Plus when I was in the Library, Bei told me using Singtel internet sms that she just saw [[you]]. [[You]] were wearing a washed out white base, brown checked shirt, bermudas, a Macs plastic bag in hand and last of all, he was with a girl... ): Imagine how bad I was feeling then. That Wei Jian had to add that he seem quite close to the girl, but Bei said when she turned back, he was a little lagging behind the girl. Oh wells, I was still darn sad. Don't know which version to trust. ):

Left NUS very late, cuz the COOP was filled with people buying textbooks like us too. Sigh... The textbook costed me 30 bucks plus, and there are altogether 2 textbooks, 1 SPSS CD and a calculator which can perform regression. I doubt my current calculator has that function. In all, the total money spent on just reading materials will sum up to more than a hundred bucks. Yes, for just one module. I think I chose the wrong module. Now my pocket has no more pockets; it has been totally burnt through. ):

Reached there and called Bei to pick me up outside LT1A. Waited for Wei Jian to collect his apple pie from Macs and then we went for the school bazaar. Walked down the rows. After 5 minutes, I turned and saw [[you]]. I stared for a long time, [[you]] looked back and just walked off. Was it cuz [[you]] can't recognise me already or was it cuz [[you]] thought that I was Bei? I called out your name, but [[you]] still didn't turn. The second time, I tried calling again and now I even called it together with your surname. =/ Was I too soft or was it that [[you]] didn't hear it? I wanted to give up and turn away, just then Bei helped me call your name. I told her it was alright, I gave up and turned away, but she tried another time. Still no avail. Then Wei Jian helped me call [[you]] loudly. Thanks so much to you both! Really appreciate that lots. (: This time, [[you]] turned and walk back. (: [[You]] don't know how glad I was at that moment. I was too shocked to walk or move my feet. I just stood still while [[you]] approached. However, all I could ask was, "Just finished lesson ar?" Please kill me!! I was dumb founded. At a total lost of words when I finally meet [[you]]. =/ [[You]] said hi to both Bei and Wei Jian. Thanks for being so friendly. (: Since I was at a lost of words as your appearance was too sudden and very unexpected, we bidded goodbye soon. I see [[you]] turn and walk away. You are still the same as before, just that your white hair did really increase by quite abit, I think. ): I felt really painful seeing [[you]] with so much white hair. Has these times been stressful? I hope not. All I wish is for [[you]] to be happy and I will keep my promise and will wait till [[you]] have totally set up your career. (: Yup Wei Jian, so what if [[you]] looks older than his actual age, I like him as much still. (: Beauty in the eyes of the beholder. ^_^

Walked around while waiting for Yong Hua to finish his lessons. Went to Hai Ling's Hall to wait for him since they are having dinner together at Hall 4 canteen. Watched Ratatouille at the mean time to keep us entertained. Ate dinner with Bei, Wei Jian, Yong Hua and Saiman. Shared with Bei and Wei Jian since Mummy have also prepared our dinner. Chatted and laughed alot after dinner. Went home straight after and had a long wait for bus number 179 and it was a long journey home. Reached home at 9.45pm and we ate fried rice and red bean soup. Yummy. (: Bathed and am so going to bed after reading probably chapter of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. (: Really tired. Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids goodnight!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Sad Incident

2007-08-17T14:49:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Just ended lessons, using computer in the library. Feeling down. The questions Yu Lung asked last night kept running through my head. The questions which I had always running away from. I wanna cry, but Yonh Hua cheered me up without asking much.

Yes, I agree that the things that we are chasing are sometimes the things which also drifted away from us. ): Using the analogy of bus and passengers, I told him some things indirectly and I think he got the meaning. He started off saying, "Sometimes I am curious about who is the [[you]] you are referring to (in your MSN nick)." I told him that it's a secret and he sorta understood what I meant. After that, the whole conversation was over buses all over the place. Anyway if you haven't figured out, buses are what I refer to people whom I like or who could possibly become my partner. Sigh... I told him that I missed the first bus which I had been waiting for years and I am still waiting for that particular bus to come back. I am too afraid to board the second bus for being afraid that the first bus might turn back again. Afraid. Too afraid to make any decisions. ): *sobs* I want to cry, but I couldn't. Too much tears over the past 3 plus years that I think they went dry. Maybe my biggest flaw is being too faithful. ):

What if the first bus might not return? Why not board the second bus, maybe it might be more comfortable or better was other questions he asked. I replied without hesitation that I would wait on. Oh wells, and to the second question, my answer was that I tried boarding the second bus, but whenever I am just a step away from it, I would turn my back on the second bus. ): It's hard, it's really hard and nobody knows how hard I try. ): I feel as though I am facing all these alone due to my decisions. Nobody is supportive of me anymore. *sobs* I cry myself to sleep till there were no more to spare.

Rushing off to meet Bei in NTU. Blog again at night. Bye!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Traces of [[you]] in Others

2007-08-16T19:00:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

For moments, I had thought I saw [[you]]. But I know they can't be true for [[you]] aren't schooling in NUS. Traces of [[you]] that I see in people these few days. As much as I want to move on, they serve as constant reminders of [[you]]. I guess I am clinging onto something which seem impossible unknowingly still. ): Waiting for that little miracle to happen?

Weather has been rather cold today. Didn't bring my jacket cuz I also had to bring the HY1101E textbook for Han Wen's cousin. Runny nose and sneeze whole day. What a good weather to sleep and I had to attend lesson. No wonder I was late for lecture today. =x Woke up at 8.20am when I am supposed to leave house at 8.30am. Rushed out of house without breakfast or milk. Due to it being a level 3000 module, it was a small class. Moreover it was on Quantitative Analysis which most students wouldn't want to touch it if they were given the choice. Almost died at lecture of hunger but couldn't go get anything to eat cuz Lecture was held in seminar room instead of in LT so I can't eat! Sheesh...

Headed straight to The Deck (Arts Canteen) at 12nn straight after the lecture, but there were long queues and no seats available. I must say that the new canteen is definitely much brighter, cleaner and prettier than the old one. (: But still, the long queue kills. =/ Only bought an egg tart and a stick of fishballs for brunch. That was really madness.

Planned tutorial slots with Mei Jun and then bought an white Adidas singlet with orange strips at 20bucks at the bazaar. (: Walked to YIH to look at the laptop models available this year plus accompanied Mei Jun to get her ink cartridge. Took a bus home after that. As usual, slept the whole jouney again. =x

Mummy's cooking my favourite Salmon, Si Chuan,Tofu, Tomato soup for dinner today! Hehehx. Shall drink lots. Even Bei's share cuz she is going for her Snooker and Pool CCA and will be coming home late. Whee~! By the time she comes back, it'll all be in my tummy! Kekeke... =P

Just saw an announcement on IVLE regarding kayaking course. Am thinking if I should go for the 2 Star Kayaking Proficiency Course since I have gotten my 1 Star already. Gotta sign up by tomorrow and it cost 65 bucks for NUS student and 70 bucks for non NUS student. Got the urge to do water sports. (: Anyone wants to accompany me? It'll be held at Kallang Basin on the 26th of August, plus 1st and 2nd of September. Should I or should I not go? (:

Off to get some rest again. Having bad blocked nose. =/ Hope the hot soup later will unblock that irritating nose of mine. Mata ne! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says Bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Forensic Science Lecture at NTU

2007-08-15T20:54:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

A long day at NTU. Tired. Reached Boon Lay MRT station with bei at 8am. Met Sam and Rajiv there and Wei Jian on the way. Long queue for bus 179. From one end of the bus interchange to the other end. Scary. =/ I was still kidding by saying," So where are all the freebies?" Lol first time I've seen such a long queue without any free goodies. =x

First, it was Polymers and Composites lecture. Boring. I dozed off reading my Psychology textbook too. =x Next was an hour long trip to the libray. Waiting for 2 slow coaches to finish printing some notes. -.- Should have said I wanna go eat then, cuz there were practically no more breaks after that. Lectures all the way till 4.30pm. ): Somemore we had to rush for Physics cuz there were only left with 5 minutes till the next lecture. Physics lecture followed after. Lecture Hall was empty when we entered. Saw Leonard Lim but my reaction was to turn away. As usual, that's just my uncontrollable natural reaction. Sorry if I seemed dao. ): Saw Michael at the lecture too. He seemed shocked to see us. Haha!

Crashed Wei Jian's Computing lecture after that. Such a boring one. AND gate, NOR gate and NAND gate. All seemed to be long gone. Gave them back to my teachers. Leaving only some basic ones in my head. =x Hehehx went for the laptop fair but there wasn't much choice offered. Only one model offered for Toshiba and the satellite series are all not in. The other brands were mostly small ones which I am not planning to get. Sigh.

Not much time left before the next lecture after looking at the laptops, so we went to this little minimart near the Student's Activities corner to get something small before going for the Forensic Science lecture. It was a long one. 3 hours lecture with 15 minutes break in between. However, I found it darn interesting that I didn't fall asleep at all. (: Oh yea and not to mention there's this guy who was carrying an orange crumpler bag queueing in front of us at the minimart, and when we went into the auditorium for Forensic Science, there he was again. Lol. At the 15 minute break, we met him on our way to the minimart, after lecture, we met him along the corridor and also, before we went to the bus stop, I saw him again! Oh wow the world is really small man. Or is this what Wei Kian called fate? Haha! Blah Blah Blah... Wei Jian and his theories which he made up. =x

Haha anyway, enjoyed myself during Forensic Science lecture. (: Thanks for bringing me there! Shall consider taking Forensic Science module when I have saved enough points. Prabably in my final year cuz I am seriously running out of points this semester. Showed hand for this business module. =/

Off I go for my rest. Got lecture at 10am. Yawns. Oyasumi! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids goodnight!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Beginning of A New Semester!

2007-08-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

First day at school and I've already paiseh myself. All thanks to that crappy, nonsensical Jeremy. -.- He called using his office phone claiming that he's from Standard Chartard and asked if I would like to apply for Credit Card. Then I answered "No." After that he went further and asked why. Being stupid, I answered him that I am still a student and I don't really need it. Guess what? He bursted out laughing so loudly that I could recognise his laughter la! Darn. Got tricked by him. The best thing was that he was feeling bored and Sandra couldn;t speak to him cuz she's having tuition and so he scrolled down the list and found my name. The finally he decided that he should come and disturb me. I entertained him unknowingly man. Sheesh... Only if Sandra had been able to chat with him, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself over the phone! Darn.

PL11o1E was more boring than expected. =x Didn't really listen to the lecturer. I know I deserve to die for that, but I just couldn't sit still there and listen. Plus, I was sitting right at the side, which wasn't a good position for paying attention. Okay, excuses. =x Bought the Psychology textbook after my lecture. Costed me 40 over bucks. Hole in pocket already. ): Only if I could get 2nd hand ones from my friend, but they just had to change their textbook this semester. =/ Went home after that. Long journey home again. Slept almost all the way. If the old auntie beside me didn't figit and accidentally wake me up, I would have missed my stop. Lol.

Got home after that and slept for another 2 hours or so. Fell asleep watching Surf's Up DVD which I borrowed from Jeremy. =x Then Jeremy smsed me to go down stairs and collect 4 more DVDs from him. Chatted for quite some time and met Bei. Went off at 6.15pm to buy some chips and back home for some rest again. Oh wells, didn't know that a 2 hour lecture and a 3 hours plus bus journey can make me so tired. Never felt so tired for a long time already. Okay, fair enough, the last time was at workplace, one week plus ago. (:

Thinking of going NTU tomorrow with Bei to crash Forensic Science lecture since tomorrow's Business Module is cancelled. (: Anyhow, shall go off now. Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

JLPT 4

2007-08-13T19:34:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Oh well, went The Japanese Cultural Society, Singapore at Middle Road wanting to register for JLPT 4. However, I didn't bring 2 passport size photos. Grrr... Han Wen only brought one photo, so can't register too. Lol. 1 buck for application form?! More of for the application procedure I think. Anyway, we all didn't register for it at last, all 5 of us. Haha either didn't bring enough photos or some still considering cuz it is right in the middle of our exam period. Got time till early September to ponder over it. (:

Shopped at Bugis after that, saw this white denim skirt which looked nice on me but didn't buy it cuz it was a little expensive. Bought 2 t-shirts for Bei instead. A brown and another black. The black one writes "I am not a princess. Just forgot to wear my tiara." and the brown one says," Always late, but worth the wait." Lol. Really cute, the brown one. Love it! (:

School's reopening tomorrow. PL1101E Intro to Psychology from 12pn to 2pm. Just go to school for 2 hours lecture when my bus journey actually takes up 3 hours altogether. I will get to see if Linus has changed after I haven't seen him for half a year. Hehehx. (:

Start of a new semester tomorrow. Time to go back to my stress corner. Ganbatte ne! Must pull up my CAP this semester! Aim to reach 3.5 since I no longer cling on to my Japanese. (: Shall continue with it after I have pulled my CAP up. (:

Off I go to enjoy my last few hours of freedom! Hehehx. Dewa mata ne. (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Last Day Out!

2007-08-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went PS with Bei, Wei Jian and Zi Cheng. Caught the movie, Secret. Not exactly a very nice show unless you understand what is going on. Gotta work your brain power and piece the different parts of the story together though. However, the piano pieces are so darn nice! Love them. (:

Anyway, bumped into Alex and his brother at PS. They were just behind us on the escalator down from the arcade. Think they had just finished their show. Oh well, I hid from him. Afraid that he would see who I am with. =x Just can't understand why I behaved in that manner too. ): *Shrugs* I really hate myself for not knowing how to behave when I face someone I like or someone whom I really like in the past. ): I hate myself for not being able to face my feelings which I often regret later. Much later after given the chance to say something or confess and that really made me real sad.

Anyway, went Bugis to drink bubble tea, look at clothes and also play arcade. One conclusion, I can't shoot for nuts. =x And yes, Zi Cheng look really nice in that flowery shirt which he wore at topman. (: Got totally drenched though there was a chauffeur to drive us home. Hope I won't fall sick. =/

That shall be all for the day. Oyasumi!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Unlucky Day!

2007-08-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

How bad can a day be with lots of boxes to unpack, bad gastric, torn contacts and phone kept giving white screen! ):

Went Dempsey Hill which has good lots of high class restaurants for high class people. All the branded sports cars are just a common sight there. You name it, they have it. -.- Anyway, ate desert at PS Cafe. Super nice, which cheered me up after a long and bad and unlucky day. (: Thanks to Sandra, Sam and Jeremy!

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Rush Hour 3! (:

2007-08-10T23:22:00.001+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

Went to crash NTU for MSE Day. Not as enjoyable as I had expected. =x Stoned and read my book instead. Hehehx. Went Plaza Singapura to catch Rush Hour 3 at 6.10pm after that.

Okay, got to sit beside my eye candy but the first thing Sam saw it, she said something like," Oh... Miao, you must be so happy." quite loudly in front of us, but hopefully Paul didn't catch it. =x Wahaha! Anyway, we shared chips! Yay~ and I got to eat my chips, like finally... (: Yes Paul, I bet that it isn't tiring holding my hand for so long in that position so that you can take the chips from my hands easily. Blehxz and no, I didn't want you to take turns to hold the stack of chips in your hands cuz my hands are already dirty with chips. =x How nice of me. Blehxz. (:

Anyway, hope you have a nice trip in Genting with your friends and hopefully you didn't starve yourself cuz you didn't have time for dinner and had to rush off straight after the movie. (: To everyone who hasn't watched Rush Hour 3, go watch it. It's quite good, plus it's quite funny throughout the whole show too. (:

Alright, am tired. Shall go have some rest already. Gotta work tomorrow. Unpacking all the boxes. Yes, all that I have packed. Sigh... I am dreading it so badly. Doubt I still have the energy to go out with Sam and Sandra after that. =x

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says goodnight!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Sick and Tired of Living Life

2007-08-06T18:33:00.001+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I am sick and tired of living life as it is now. Far too tired to cover up things for people and to keep lying so as not to let the cat out of the bag. Initially, work was draining all my energy and now it's the nonsense, excuses and lies she gave or made me say. I hate having to lie, especially lying for others. What's the use of treating people nicely when they only take you for granted and not even appreciate you at all? I have had enough stress since after the exams so add on no more, cuz I have not had a proper rest for months and am on the verge of breaking. Now school is reopening and I can't even have a proper rest. Thanks lots man.

Tutoring Sandra in town later. Actually didn't want to go, but she's having her exams, so yea. Thought that I should be nice and just help a little. ~~I'm too tired to be Miss Nice Lady already.~~

All I need now is some rest and a shoulder to lean on. That's all. Nobody understands how sad I am. *sobs*

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan bids farewell!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Life Still Moves On

2007-08-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

It's been long since I last update. (: Lots of things happened, some happy while some aren't. Just got to rest a little these few days cuz I only ended my work last week. Oh well, have been tagging along with Bei's OG quite alot. Fun and nice people. Made quite a number of new friends. (: Hehehx. Anyway, I shan't write any secrets here, cuz someone is gonna read this blog. Blehxz.

Anyway, to the person who got to my blog through Bei's, I wasn't angry at the theaters today, so don't worry. I won't be angry just cuz you tease me or make me sit with Zi Cheng. Frankly speaking, he is really not bad without his beng looking earrings la. (: Yea and I have my quiet moments too. Very quiet moments indeed. And under 3 conditions I'll be darn quiet:
1. I really got nothing to say
2. I am angry
3. I am shy. Haha!

Too bad that NTU reopens tomorrow. NUS students still have got a week more to slack. Whee~! ^_^ Anyway, saw Michael, 2T26 my senior class at City Link today. He went out with a group of people, but I didn't notice if [[you]] were there. Saw him too late. Hope [[you]] will enjoy your first day in school tomorrow. I wish [[you]] all the best in your new school term. You can do it! (:

Got to stay at home to bid for my MNO1001 module tomorrow. Got the rest of my modules already. Yay and I got my PL1101E Introduction to Psychology at only 95 points at round 1A. Whee! (:

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

Feeling Down...

2007-07-18T21:13:00.001+08:00

终于发现我比想象中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认地
我比想象中爱你

I have got no idea why I feel so sad when it was a decision I've made over that period of time, a few months ago. Have I regretted everything again? Why am I always regretting the decisions I made? *sobz*I am sorry. Real sorry for whatever I have done and now I don't think you will forgive me... I just hope that getting a day off tomorrow will help a little. Hope the sun, the sea and the sand will help.

Thanks Jaswant for allowing me to change my off day from Friday to Thurday...

Off I go! Ja mata

P.S. If I could only have a wish granted, it'll be for [[you]] to be right beside me. Always.

.shan says bye!

I miss [[you]].
I love [[you]].
Forever and a day.

"I'll follow you wherever the place you may go. Be it heaven."
- 天堂的阶梯

KeEp ShiNinG_____]]*

Holidays are Coming!

Where are you going?

Feeling the Jitters

Vexed

SIA Walk-in Interview!

Yuexuan's 24th Birthday! (:

Treat me right!!

What is Trust?

Do I Only Worth This Much?

Taken for Granted?

Life in a Mess. Insomnia.

Almost Time To Say Goodbye

Bad Day

Free Cone Day 2009!

Reaffirmation

Don't give a Damn

Did We Both Change?

Stuck at the Crossroad Once Again

Gastric!

Suicidal, Emotionally Unstable

There goes my new shirt again!

22nd Birthday!

Holidays :D

Off to KL for AUG!!

Screwed up

AUG briefing

Irritated by your tricks

Vexed

Pictures for Darling's Birthday!

Darling's Birthday! (:

Exam Blues

Break Free

Quarrel

scald

10 Months!

Suicidal

Depressed

Pissed

Happy Happy Girl! =D

Midterm break

Blissed

I Wish to See the World

being taken advantage of

Naive Boyfriend

Lost

I wish to be happier

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve

Respect and Spiderhunter Bird

Nonsense!!

Spare Tire

Pissed Off with His Nonsense

Pissed

Attitude

Suffocating

Betrayed

Depressed

Feeling Cheated

Raining Season?

Chancing Upon [[your]] Sis' Blog

Depressed

Happy Birthday Shingy!

Bei Used Violence on Me

Cried

Darn Project

Flu Bug + High Fever + Swollen Eyes + Rashes

More Presentations! Darn Stressed

Meet-the-Parents Session?

Jiaying's Birthday!

Pissed

A Pleasant Surprise

More than Thankful!

Studying Session at King Albert Park

An Enjoyable Day Out

PL1101E Mid-Term Paper

Sleep My Troubles Away

I'll Just Leave. Silently.

Break Down

Good Things Never Lasts

Long Bus Ride